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Great Britain

Dec 2006Percentage of Britons who say they would give up sex to live to 100: 40
Source:

Ipsos MORI (London)

Jul 2006Percentage by which Britain’s The Independent outsold its daily average on May 16, the day U2’s Bono was guest editor: 30
Source:

The Independent (London)

May 2006Chance that a British youth reports having been bullied via text message: 1 in 7
Source:

BMRB (London)

Mar 2006Number of weapons that have been turned into tools for African farmers by a British nonprofit since 2001: 2,200
Source:

APT Enterprise Development (Moreton-in-Marsh, England)

Mar 2006Number of books published in Britain since 2004 that have “shit,” “shite,” or “crap” in their titles: 23
Source:

Harper's research

Dec 2005Portion of British food aid for Katrina evacuees that still sits unused in an Arkansas warehouse: 7/10
Source:

British Embassy (Washington)/USAID (Washington)

Dec 2005Percentage of British adults who are members of any of their country’s three major political parties: 1.2
Source:

Harper’s research

Aug 2005Amount that the Catholic Church spent in Britain this summer advertising for new priests on bar coasters : $1,100
Source:

National Office for Vocation (London)

Jul 2005Average percentage of the U.K. population that Britons believe to be immigrants: 21
Source:

Market & Opinion Research International (London)

Jul 2005Actual percentageof the U.K. population that are immigrants: 8
Source:

Office for National Statistics (London)

Jul 2005Total value of bets taken by a U.K. bookmaker this spring on the identity of the new pope: £50,000
Source:

William Hill Organization (London)

Jun 2005Years after Bob Marley's death that the BBC, in April, requested an interview with him: 24
Source:

Bob Marley Foundation (Kingston, Jamaica)

Mar 2005Average percentage of contributions to Britain's privatized pension system that do: 30
Source:

Center on Budget and Policy Priorities (Washington)

Mar 2005Number of the 701 arrests under Britain's Terrorism Act since 2001 that have led to conviction: 17
Source:

Home Office (London)

Feb 2005Ratio in December of the number of U.S. troops in Iraq to the number from Britain, the second-largest contributor: 16:1
Source:

U.S. Department of Defense/U.K. Ministry of Defence (London)/Permanent Mission of Italy to the U.N. (N.Y.C.)

Feb 2005Ratio of the number of troops in Iraq Britain to the number from Italy, the third-largest contributor: 3:1
Source:

U.S. Department of Defense/U.K. Ministry of Defence (London)/Permanent Mission of Italy to the U.N. (N.Y.C.)

Feb 2005Number of Britons who have signed a declaration stating they will disobey any ban on fox hunting: 50,000
Source:

The Countryside Alliance (London)

Feb 2005Number of foxes eaten by a British performance artist to protest the protests of the proposed ban: 2
Source:

Mark McGowan (London)

Jan 2005Percentage by which British university graduates are less likely than non-graduates to phone their mothers regularly : 20
Source:

Institute for Social and Economic Research, University of Essex (Colchester, U.K.)

Jan 2005Portion of British trash that ends up in landfills : 4/5
Source:

Environmental Services Association (London)

Oct 2004Estimated price a British cable company will charge for a kit to track “evidence of the paranormal” via the Internet : £150
Source:

Telewest Broadband (London)

Aug 2004Percentage of Britons who cannot name the city that provides the setting for the musical Chicago : 65
Source:

Endemol UK (London)

Jul 2004Average inches by which a British man's height fell short of an American man's in the eighteenth century : 3.1
Source:

John Komlos, Ludwig-Maximilians-Universitaet Muenchen (Munich)

Jul 2004Average inches by which an American man's height falls short of a British man's today : 0.4
Source:

John Komlos, Ludwig-Maximilians-Universitaet Muenchen (Munich)

May 2004Months into the war that Britain confirmed that all its troops were outfitted with desert clothing : 9
Source:

Liberal Democrat Whips Office, House of Commons (London)

Mar 2004Ratio of the number of privately contracted military workers in Iraq to the number of British troops there : 5:4
Source:

Coalition Provisional Authority (Baghdad)

Mar 2004Estimated percentage of British food-poisoning infections caused by bottled water : 12
Source:

Dr. Meirion Evans, University of Wales College of Medicine (Cardiff)

Mar 2004Price a British company charges for its Purring Kitty software, which converts a mobile phone into a "discreet massager" : $2.65
Source:

Vibelet (London)

Sep 2003 Percentage of the first month of British sales of the new Harry Potter book accounted for by "adult" editions: 11
Source:

Nielsen BookScan USA (White Plains, N.Y.)

Jul 2003Percentage by which a British flag maker's sales of U.S. flags in March exceeded those a year earlier: 25
Source:

United Flag Traders (Swansea, U.K.)

May 2003Fine that Britain's education minister has proposed levying on parents whose children are chronic truants: $3,900
Source:

U.K. Department for Education and Skills (London)

May 2003Chance that a British military reservist called up since January has asked to be excused from duty: 1 in 8
Source:

U.K. Ministry of Defence (London)

Mar 2003 British price-fixing fine levied last November on Hasbro, the maker of Monopoly: $8,000,000
Source:

Hasbro (Pawtucket, R.I.)

Feb 2003Percentage of Jamaicans who say they would be "better off today" had Jamaica remained a British colony: 53
Source:

Jamaica Observer (Kingston)

Nov 2002Rank of the United States and Britain among nations whose residents are most likely to be obese: 1, 2
Source:

Office of Economic Cooperation and Development (Paris)

Sep 2002Rank of the United States and Britain among countries viewed most favorably by Muslims aged 15 to 25: 1, 2
Source:

The British Council (London)

Aug 2002Years before the death of Britain's Queen Mother in March that the Times of London first wrote her obituary: 64
Source:

Patrick West (London)

Jul 2002Percentage of male fish in two English rivers that scientists say have been "effectively feminised" by estrogen in the water: 100
Source:

Centre for Ecology and Hydrology (Windermere, U.K.)

Jul 2002Percentage of Britons who feel "vulnerable" in forests: 31
Source:

Forestry Commission (Edinburgh, U.K.)

May 2002Number of Britain's Anglican clergy to whom their union is offering martial-arts training this year: 1,500
Source:

MSF (London)

May 2002Percentage of British clergy who were attacked on the job between 1997 and 1999: 12
Source:

Royal Holloway College (Egham, U.K.)

May 2002Percentage of British probation officers who were: 8
Source:

Royal Holloway College (Egham, U.K.)

May 2002Estimated percentage by which British arms sales to African countries next year will exceed such sales in 1999: 400
Source:

Campaign Against Arms Trade (London)

Dec 2001Internal code number the British census has assigned to citizens who cited their religion as "Jedi Knight": 896
Source:

Office for National Statistics (London)

Oct 2001Number of "trouser accidents" requiring hospital treatment in Britain in 1999: 5,945
Source:

Department of Trade and Industry (London)

Jun 2001Estimated number of people who tried to cross illegally into England via the Channel Tunnel each night last year: 125
Source:

Eurotunnel (Folkestone, England)

Apr 2001Years before a British official was killed in Athens last winter that a CIA bureau chief was killed there with the same gun: 25
Source:

Embassy of Greece (Washington)

Apr 2001Rank of Oasis singer Liam Gallagher among public figures most reviled by Britons: 3
Source:

Madame Tussaud's (London)

Mar 2001Price of a designer skirt made of hamster pelts, introduced in Britain last year: $2,200
Source:

Alberta Ferretti (London)

Mar 2001Average number of cows destroyed each day in Britain last year in an effort to eliminate mad cow disease: 2,274
Source:

Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries, and Food (London)

Jan 2001Number of British doctors who visited Cuba last March to study its health-care system: 115
Source:

Conference Plus (Radlett, England)

Jan 2001Ratio of Britain's per capita health-care spending to that of Cuba: 11:1
Source:

World Health Organization (Geneva)

Nov 2000Ratio of the average cost of a gallon of gas in Britain last September to that of a gallon of Starbucks coffee: 1:4
Source:

Her Majesty's Customs and Excise (London)/Starbucks Coffee Company (London)/Harper's research

Oct 2000Percentage change since last year in the number of deaths in Britain due to the human form of mad cow disease: +175
Source:

British Department of Health (London)

Aug 2000Chance that a contestant who appeared on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire's British precursor ever won a million pounds: 0
Source:

Celador (London)

Jun 2000Years after the Great Potato Famine began that Britain loosened its land-ownership requirements for Irish voters: 5
Source:

K. Theodore Hoppen, Elections, Politics, and Society in Ireland: 1832-1885, Oxford University Press (N.Y.C.)

Mar 2000Percentage change since 1997 in the number of Britons waiting to get on the National Health Service's waiting list: +100
Source:

Conservative Party (London)

Mar 2000Number of British women killed last fall by lightning conducted through their underwire bras: 2
Source:

West London Coroner's Office (London)

Jan 2000Percentage change in the amount of British cotton products India imported during the period between 1815 and 1832: +1,500
Source:

Hobsbawm, The Age of Revolution

Nov 1999Portion of the words in Webster's New World Dictionary memorized by one non-English-speaking Thai Scrabble champ: 2/3
Source:

Wall Street Journal (N.Y.C.)

Oct 1999Number of European countries with a lower adult literacy rate than that of England: 2
Source:

Office for the Government of London (London)

Oct 1999Amount a clerical error has cost the British government in excess payments to the Queen since 1991: $31,500,000
Source:

Buckingham Palace (London)

Sep 1999Maximum fine to which a British grocer will be subject next year for using anything other than the metric system: £5,000
Source:

The British Weights and Measures System (Edinburgh)

Sep 1999Pages of the British royal family's medical records found in a folder lying by the side of a Scottish road last March: 70
Source:

Scottish Sun (Glasgow)

Aug 1999Pounds of plutonium that a British nuclear plant has dumped into the Irish Sea since 1959: 397
Source:

BNFL (Cheshire, England)

Aug 1999Percentage change in the number of ponds in Britain since the turn of the century: -75
Source:

Pond Action (Oxford, England)

Aug 1999Number of days last year that a British art museum exhibited a mound of dung from Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep: 51
Source:

The Wellcome Trust (London)

May 1999Chance that a day since December 28 has passed without U.S. or British forces bombing Iraq: 1 in 2
Source:

U.S. Defense Department

Apr 1999Estimated attendance at a rally for debt relief for poor countries held outside Britain's 1998 G-7 summit: 60,000
Source:

Harper's research

Jan 1999Percentage of the fall 1998 issue of Britain's The Ecologist magazine devoted to an investigation of Monsanto: 95
Source:

The Ecologist (London)

Jan 1999Percentage of the Ecologist's fall 1998 issue's entire press run immediately pulped by the printer, for fear of breaking British libel laws: 100
Source:

The Ecologist (London)

Dec 1998Year in which Christmas celebrations, plum pudding, and mince pie were outlawed in England: 1647
Source:

The Rise and Fall of Merry England, Oxford University Press (London)/The Story of Christmas, Odhams Press Limited (London)

Dec 1998Weeks required to complete the Santa course offered by Britain's Weston College: 8
Source:

Weston College (Weston-super-Mare, England)

Sep 1998Price of a gold-plated crucifix pendant with a built-in alarm, from Britain's Avon Silversmiths: $414
Source:

Avon Silversmiths Ltd. (Bishop's Stortford, England)

Aug 1998Amount British Nuclear Fuels paid the British Scouts last year to add its logo to their scientist badge: $49,776
Source:

British Nuclear Fuels (Warrington, U.K.)

Aug 1998Chances that a Briton believes that Britain did more good than harm to its colonies: 3 in 5
Source:

The Gallop Organization (New Maiden, U.K.)

May 1998Number of years Britain's Prince Charles has farmed organically: 12
Source:

Duchy of Cornwall's Home Farm (Gloucestershire, England)

May 1998Number of Poets-in-Residence sponsored by Britain's National Lottery this year: 4
Source:

Poetry Society (London)

February 17, 2013 French and British authorities acknowledged that nuclear submarines from the two countries collided earlier this month.
Source:

Washington Post

June 19, 2009Young girls in Zimbabwe were trading sex for food, three boys in Dorset, England, stomped a baby deer to death, a 16-year-old boy in California was running for city council, and a 14-year-old boy in Germany was hit by a meteorite.
Source 1:

BBC

Source 2:

BBC

Source 3:

NBC

Source 4:

Telegraph

June 17, 2009A mother in Squamish, British Columbia, fought off a cougar that attacked her three-year-old daughter, who then asked: “Why didn't the kitty play nice?”
Source:

CBC News

June 1, 2009 British scientists found that cats, like babies, have a poor understanding of the relationship between cause and effect.
Source:

New Scientist

May 23, 2009In Britain MP Peter Viggers admitted that he had attempted to seek state reimbursement of $2,600 spent at his country estate for a duck hut. “I am ashamed and humiliated, and I apologize,” said Viggers, who sought $47,660 for gardening expenses over three years. “As has been reported, my claim for the duck house was rightly 'not allowed' by the Fees Office. I paid for it myself, and in fact it was never liked by the ducks.”
Source:

New York Times

May 14, 2009Venetia Phair, nee Burney, who as an 11-year-old girl in 1930 named the newly discovered planet Pluto, died at age 90. “In the year 4,000 A.D., when Pluto is hollowed out and millions of people are living inside,” said an amateur astronomer, “the name of Venetia Burney may be the only thing that Great Britain is remembered for.”
Source:

New York Times

April 9, 2009 Britain's top antiterrorism official was forced to resign after reporters photographed him holding confidential documents that detailed covert operations.
Source:

NPR

April 5, 2009A British soccer player was given a yellow card for passing gas during the opposing team's penalty shot.
Source:

The Guardian

April 5, 2009Two British boys, aged 10 and 11, were arrested for nearly killing two other boys, beating them with a brick, slashing them with a knife, and burning them with cigarettes.
Source:

BBC

March 27, 2009 British scientists delivered electric shocks to hermit crabs to see if they were able to feel and remember pain, and determined that they could.
Source:

CNN

March 22, 200927-year-old British reality-TV star Jade Goody died of cervical cancer. “She was a courageous woman,” said Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
Source:

Daily Mail

March 22, 2009The United Kingdom released documents showing that, between 1987 and 1993, it was officially concerned with UFOs; one document described a woman meeting an extraterrestrial with a slight Scandinavian accent.
Source:

Radio Netherlands

February 26, 2009 British researchers identified the oldest words in English as “I,” “we,” “two,” and “three,” and predicted the death of “bad.”
Source:

BBC News

February 25, 2009A study of 1.3 million British women found that a single drink per day increases the risk of cancer of the breast, liver, and rectum.
Source:

The Washington Post

February 23, 2009Obama announced that 17,000 more troops would be sent to Afghanistan, an increase of 50 percent, partly to help secure the border with Pakistan. General David D. McKiernan said he would like yet another 10,000 troops, adding that it was “very unhealthy” to compare the current war to British and Russian debacles in Afghanistan. “You can't look like the likely loser of the war,” explained Stephen Biddle of the Council on Foreign Relations. “No warlord is going to change sides to join the loser.”
Source 1:

LAT

Source 2:

The New York Times

Source 3:

The New York Times

Source 4:

The New York Times

Source 5:

AFP via Google

January 28, 2009Thirty-four years after first reporting on the medical condition termed “cello scrotum,” an irritation caused by playing the cello, the British Medical Journal was forced to acknowledge that the ailment does not exist. “Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realize the physical impossibility of our claim,” said Baroness Elaine Murphy, who, with her husband, created the hoax.
Source:

BBC

January 21, 2009a former KGB agent bought Britain's Evening Standard,
Source:

Reuters via Google News

January 16, 2009“My grandmother was ill in bed when the Nazis came to her home town of Staszow,” said Sir Gerald Kaufman, a British MP who was raised as an Orthodox Jew. “A German soldier shot her dead in her bed. My grandmother did not die to provide cover for Israeli soldiers murdering Palestinian grandmothers.”
Source:

UK Jewish lawmaker: Israeli forces acting like Nazis

January 5, 2009Scientists in Britain announced the discovery of a new antidote to poisoning and overdose, whereby a molecule named Bridion will bind itself to an unwanted substance in the bloodstream and neutralize it within three minutes; the treatment, it was suggested, could be used to cure a hangover.
Source:

TelegraphUK

December 3, 2008It was reported that Barack Obama's grandfather was imprisoned and tortured by the British in 1949 during the Mau Mau uprising. “They would sometimes squeeze his testicles with parallel metallic rods,” said Sarah Onyango, 87, called “Granny Sarah” by the president-elect. “That was the time we realized that the British were actually not friends.”
Source:

The Times

December 1, 2008A survey found that among adult Britons sex was the most popular zero-cost activity.
Source:

BBC

November 25, 2008A 56-year-old British man was sentenced to 25 life sentences for repeatedly raping his two daughters over 27 years, resulting in 19 pregnancies and seven children, all of whom suffer from genetic deformities.
Source:

CNN

November 9, 2008 British researchers found that obesity may be socially contagious.
Source:

The Guardian

October 22, 2008 British atheists, furious about ads for Christianity that appear on London buses, were raising money in order to buy their own ads featuring the slogan “There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”
Source:

New York Times

October 20, 2008The British Food Standards Agency recalled edible sex toys, including chocolate and strawberry body pens and a chocolate lotion, after the Chinese-made products were discovered to contain trace amounts of melamine, an industrial chemical that can cause kidney failure.
Source:

New York Times

September 22, 2008Two British archaeologists claimed to have solved the mystery of Stonehenge, putting forth a theory that the stones had healing properties.
Source:

CNN

September 11, 2008Researchers in England determined that women are up to 50 percent more likely than men to experience nightmares.
Source:

BBC

September 4, 2008A British teenager's head swelled to the size of a soccer ball after she consumed a Baileys-chili-tequila-absinthe-ouzo-vodka-cider-and-gin cocktail.
Source:

BBC

September 3, 2008Cambridge University, seeking to attract a more diverse student body and to shed its elitist image, asked the producers of leading British soap operas to mention the school in their storylines.
Source:

Southeast Missourian

September 1, 2008A new biography of writer Roald Dahl revealed that Dahl, in his work as a British spy, seduced many American women. “I think,” said Antoinette Haskell, whose father, Charles Marsh, introduced Dahl to influential Americans, “he slept with everybody on the east and west coasts that was worth more than $50,000 a year.”
Source:

Telegraph

August 25, 2008 Margaret Thatcher, revealed her daughter, has dementia and often forgets that she is no longer the British prime minister. “Oh,” she said in a lucid moment, “how I wish I could do it all again.”
Source:

The Washington Post

August 13, 2008 British scientists unveiled Gordon, the world's first robot controlled by living brain tissue.
Source:

Bretibart

August 5, 2008It was discovered that a woman who paid a South Korean company to create five clones of her pitbull Booger was Joyce McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming who escaped British authorities in 1977 after abducting a Mormon missionary, securing him to a bed with mink-lined handcuffs, and raping him three times. “They are perfectly the same as their daddy,” said McKinney, in Seoul, of Booger's clones. “I am in Heaven here.”
Source 1:

Salt Lake Tribune

Source 2:

Daily Mail

Source 3:

The Register

August 1, 2008A community of Welsh Cistercian monks who had been relying on a dial-up Internet connection opted to get a broadband connection. “Patience is one of the characteristics of monastic life,” said Father Daniel van Santvoort, “but even the patience of the Brothers was tested by our slow Internet.”
Source:

Yahoo News

July 11, 2008The British retailer Marks & Spencer defended a policy of charging extra for bras that are bigger than size DD, saying the charge represented “a small premium for [necessary] specialist work,” while the protest group Busts 4 Justice derided the price increase as an unfair tax.
Source:

BBC

July 9, 2008A British teenager who assumed that tremors in her bosom were caused by her vibrating mobile phone found a baby bat nestling in the padding of her 34FF bra.
Source:

BBC

July 4, 2008 British studies warned that eating junk food during pregnancy might cause lasting damage to the child, and that eating too much tofu could lead to dementia.
Source 1:

BBCnews.com

Source 2:

BBCnews.com

July 2, 2008A poll revealed that a third of Welsh college students believe that a flirtatious or drunk woman is to blame for being raped, and a survey of the National Assembly for Wales found that 3 of the 8 legislators who responded had been raped but had not reported the crime.
Source:

BBCnews.com

June 29, 2008Gardeners across Britain were reporting a harvest of deformed, dangerous vegetables, traced back to the Dow AgroSciences herbicide aminopyralid, which can wind up in manure. It was “scandalous,” said a woman with a patch near Bushy Park in London, “that a weedkiller sprayed more than one year ago, that has passed through an animal's gut, was kicked around on a stable floor, stored in a muck heap in a field, then on an allotment site and was finally dug into or mulched on to beds last winter is still killing 'sensitive' crops and will continue to do so for the next year.”
Source:

The Guardian

June 28, 2008Farmers in Britain, under attack by fuel-poaching gangs, were creating secure collective fuel-storage compounds for their red diesel, which is used to power tractors. In West Sussex a man named Jon Ward put dogs in his garden and razor wire on his fences to keep thieves away from his heating oil. “Let the bastards try it now,” he said. “Shotgun is also at the ready.”
Source:

The Guardian

June 15, 2008 British and American special forces were operating in Pakistan in an attempt to capture Osama Bin Laden before George W. Bush leaves office. “If he can say he has killed Saddam Hussein and captured Bin Laden,” a U.S. intelligence source told the “Times” of London, “he can claim to have left the world a safer place.”
Source:

Times

June 3, 2008For the third year in a row, the consumption of oranges in Britain declined because people were too busy to peel the rind off the fruit.
Source:

The Daily Mail

May 30, 2008At a literary festival in Wales, British columnist George Monbiot attempted a citizen's arrest of John Bolton, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, on charges of war crimes, but was obstructed by security guards.
Source:

Democracy Now

May 30, 2008 British archaeologists discovered that Stonehenge was a cemetery for the elite.
Source:

New York Times

May 20, 2008 Gough, an island in the South Pacific, was overrun by gangs of gigantic mice that attack and eat baby albatrosses; bird conservation groups planned to airdrop tons of poison onto the island.
Source:

The Telegraph

May 12, 2008Cherie Blair revealed that her husband, ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair, had announced her miscarriage to the press in order to deter speculation about an early invasion of Iraq,.
Source:

Telegraph.co.uk

April 27, 2008In Basra, Iraq, a 17-year-old girl, Rand Abdel-Qader, was stomped, suffocated, and stabbed to death by her father, who accused her of having an affair with a British soldier. Local police arrested the father but released him without charge after two hours. “Not much can be done when we have an honor-killing case,” said police sergeant Ali Jabbar. “You are in a Muslim society and women should live under religious laws.” Rand's mother divorced the killer and went into hiding.
Source:

Guardian

April 18, 2008 President Bush and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown met and discussed the “special relationship” between the United States and the United Kingdom. “If it wasn't a personal relationship,” said Bush, “I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger or something. Well done, I might add.”
Source:

Washington Post

March 14, 2008A British fan of Scarlett Johansson will pay $2,030 per minute to go on a date with the actress to the U.S. premiere of her new film “He's Just Not That Into You,” with proceeds going to the charity Oxfam.
Source:

BBC

March 12, 2008It was reported that the richest man in Great Britain, the Duke of Westminster, was a client of the same high-end prostitution agency as Eliot Spitzer. The Duke allegedly haggled over pricing, requested sex without a condom, and bored prostitute Zana Brazdek with conversation “about the Army, going to Afghanistan, and bin Laden.”
Source:

DailyNews

March 9, 2008ThruVision, a British firm, unveiled a surveillance camera, developed using research into dying stars, that can see through people's clothes. They claim that the technology does not reveal physical body details but could be used to detect materials such as explosives or cocaine by distinguishing among the low levels of electromagnetic radiation emitted by all things everywhere.
Source:

Yahoo! News

March 1, 2008Prince Harry of Wales, once photographed dressed as a Nazi, was called home after press accounts revealed that he was serving as a British Army forward air controller in the Helmand province of Afghanistan. “We ask God to enable our beloved brothers in Taliban to seize this priceless booty,” wrote user Sweeping Army on an Internet jihadist message board, “because nothing would break the heart of his grandmother [more] than if she lost him. My dear brothers in Allah, carry on provoking to kidnap this precious infidel.”
Source:

The Guardian

February 27, 2008 British researchers hypothesized that a form of spongiform encephalopathy—akin to mad cow disease and transmitted by cannibalism—killed off the Neanderthals.
Source 1:

Space.com

Source 2:

Discovery.com

February 1, 2008In Britain retail chain Woolworths withdrew from sale a bed for six-year-old girls called the Lolita Midsleeper Combi after receiving complaints from parents. “We had to look it up on Wikipedia,” said a store spokesman. “But we certainly know who she is now.”
Source:

Shop pulls &lq;Lolita&rq; bed for young girls

January 31, 2008 British scientists announced that it would soon be possible to convert female bone marrow into viable sperm cells, hastening the obsolescence of men.
Source:

Death of the father: British scientists discover how to turn women's bone marrow into sperm

January 27, 2008Leaders gathered at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, attempted to dispel a global mood of pessimism. “People have to keep in mind, throughout history we have always had cycles,” said JPMorgan CEO James Dimon. “Corporation,” said PepsiCo chief Indra K. Nooyi, “has soul.” “The good news about our world today,” said former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, “is that idealism is the new realism and the reason for that is the interconnectedness.”
Source:

CNN

January 21, 2008 British Conservative MP Hugh Walpole delivered a speech in Parliament against the creation of a permanent president of the European Council, a position said to be coveted by Blair. Such a consolidation of power, he said, would make it difficult for national governments to restrain dictates from Brussels “even if the European Commission proposed the slaughter of the first-born.”
Source:

Parliament

January 16, 2008 British researchers determined that children universally dislike clowns, finding them “unknowable.”
Source:

Reuters via Yahoo! News

January 10, 2008A British artist exhibited 55 “beautiful and delicate” canvases of his ejaculate sprinkled with carbon dust,
Source:

Islington Gazette

December 27, 2007For the first time since the 1800s the average Briton was earning more than the average American, even though the pound was at an all-time low against the euro.
Source:

Reuters UK

December 2, 2007A 3.3 pound truffle sold for $330,000 at an auction held simultaneously in Macau, London, and Florence. The winning bidder, Macau casino owner Stanley Ho, outbid the British artist Damien Hirst and Sheikh Bin Zayed of Abu Dhabi.
Source:

Giant truffle sets record price

November 30, 2007In Khartoum, thousands of Sudanese protesters armed with clubs and knives called for the execution of Gillian Gibbons, a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam after she permitted her students to name their class teddy bear “Muhammad”; Gibbons, pardoned by the president of Sudan, was released from jail and fled to England.
Source:

Thousands in Sudan Call for British Teddy Bear Teacher's Execution

November 24, 2007The Interfaith Rainbow Coalition Against Homosexuality in Uganda protested a summit of British Commonwealth leaders in Kampala. “I asked President Museveni to get us an island on Lake Victoria and we take these homosexuals and they die out there,” said Sheikh Ramathan Shaban Mubajje of an earlier meeting he had with Uganda's head of state. “If they die there, then we shall have no more homosexuals in the country.”
Source:

365Gay

November 22, 2007The British government admitted that it had lost computer disks containing the personal information of more than one third of its citizens.
Source:

New York Times

November 15, 2007 British scientists working with negative index metamaterials said that they were developing a technique that could someday be used to capture a rainbow.
Source:

University of Surrey

November 7, 2007Voters in Great Britain decided that their most ridiculous law was one that makes it illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
Source:

BBCnews.com

November 4, 2007 British police documents revealed that the DNA of suspects accused of crimes such as picking wildflowers or defacing coins will be stored for life in a national database.
Source:

Telegraph

November 2, 2007 Rudy Giuliani conceded that although his campaign's statistic for prostate cancer survival rates in Britain was seven years old and 30 points off, Americans should still be wary of “socialized medicine.” “If we ever got to Hillarycare in this country,” said Giulani, “Canadians will have nowhere to go for health care.”
Source:

Reuters via Yahoo! News

October 17, 2007A British restaurant began serving gray squirrel pancakes.
Source:

Daily Mail

October 17, 2007A British restaurant began serving gray squirrel pancakes.
Source:

Daily Mail

October 8, 2007 British clergy were condemning the nomination of video game “Resistance: Fall of Man,” which features a fire-fight scene set in Manchester Cathedral, for an award. “For a global manufacturer to recreate one of our great cathedrals with photo-realistic quality,” said the Bishop of Manchester, “and encourage people to have gun battles in the building is beyond belief and highly irresponsible.”
Source:

vnunet.com

October 7, 2007In England, American gray squirrels were bullying diminutive, mild-mannered indigenous red squirrels.
Source:

NYT

September 25, 2007 British researchers studying intelligence announced that men were disproportionately represented in both the top and bottom two percentiles.
Source:

Hindu

September 18, 2007A British man named Anthony Anderson was arrested for urinating on a 57-year-old woman as she lay dying of pancreatic failure. “This,” yelled Anderson as he was filmed, “is YouTube material.”
Source:

BBC News

September 16, 2007A new British poll estimated that 1.2 million people had died so far in the war, and former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan wished that politicians would admit that the war was “largely about oil.”
Source 1:

Times

Source 2:

Guardian

September 3, 2007The British government complained that the Taliban was using weapons that had been made in China,.
Source:

BBCnews.com

August 22, 2007 Scientists in England determined that Tyrannosaurus rex would have been able to outrun a professional soccer player.
Source:

BBC

August 19, 2007It emerged that the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act will allow the National Security Agency to intercept telephone calls, emails, and other Internet communications made by British citizens across American networks.
Source:

Guardian

August 1, 2007Seventy-six U.S. senators had visited Iraq, and 3 percent of Americans approved of how Congress was handling the war, which was costing the United States and Great Britain more than $4,000 each second.
Source 1:

The Hill

Source 2:

Zogby

Source 3:

Daily Mail

July 26, 2007 Russian President Vladimir Putin accused Britain of “colonial thinking” for demanding the extradition of Andrei Lugovoi, who is suspected of murdering former KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko.
Source:

Telegraph

July 26, 2007A 70-year-old British grandmother was convicted in the honor killing of her son's estranged wife.
Source:

Reuters via Yahoo! News

July 16, 2007In Britain a six-year-old boy hanged himself with a skipping rope.
Source:

The Sun

July 15, 2007Osama bin Laden's son Omar announced that he had taken a 51-year-old British grandmother as his second wife.
Source:

Washington Post

July 12, 2007The British military insisted that it had not released man-eating badgers in Basra.
Source:

BBC

July 2, 2007In Nigeria, where the price of machetes has dropped by 50 percent since the end of the April elections, a kidnapped British three-year-old was released after four days.
Source 1:

CNN.com

Source 2:

Reuters

July 2, 2007His successor Gordon Brown proposed stripping British prime ministers of the power to declare war.
Source:

Telegraph

June 25, 2007The Gaza kidnappers of British journalist Alan Johnston released a video of Johnston wearing an explosives vest, which he says will be detonated if force is used to try to free him.The Gaza kidnappers of British journalist Alan Johnston released a video of Johnston wearing an explosives vest, which he says will be detonated if force is used to try to free him.
Source:

BBC

June 22, 2007Lydia Playfoot, a 16-year-old English schoolgirl, went to the High Court to protest her school's ban on wearing “purity rings” (used to symbolize chastity), which she characterized as discrimination against Christians.Lydia Playfoot, a 16-year-old English schoolgirl, went to the High Court to protest her school's ban on wearing “purity rings” (used to symbolize chastity), which she characterized as discrimination against Christians.
Source:

BBCNews

June 13, 2007“Today's media,” British Prime Minister Tony Blair said, “hunts in packs. In these modes it is like a feral beast just tearing people and reputations to bits.”
Source:

Washington Post

June 13, 2007A 13-year-old British boy ended his ten-year vow of silence, which began when his mother forced him to have his tonsils removed, with the words “thank you.”
Source:

Daily Mail

June 12, 2007Sony apologized to the Church of England after a gun-filled computer game set in a British cathedral prompted the church to accuse the company of “virtual desecration.”
Source:

Washington Post

June 4, 2007 Britain's Royal Society for the Protection of Birds banned the word “cock” from its website. “Tit” and “swallow,” however, were still permitted.
Source:

News.com.au via Nerve.com

June 2, 2007A family in England claimed that they were being chased out of their neighborhood because they are redheads.
Source:

BBC

May 28, 2007In Britain, anonymous sources close to Queen Elizabeth II reported that the monarch was “exasperated and frustrated” with the legacy of the outgoing prime minister; in particular, she was said to be deeply concerned about Blair's actions in Iraq and Afghanistan and the outlawing of fox hunting.
Source:

Telegraph

May 10, 2007 British prime minister Tony Blair announced that he will resign next month after ten years in power. Much speculation ensued about what the 54-year-old Blair would do next, and it was thought that he might establish a foundation to fight poverty in Africa. “[Blair] was the worst thing that ever happened to Africa,” said Bright Matonga, the deputy information minister of Zimbabwe. “We hope that the children of Iraq and Afghanistan he is killing everyday will haunt him for the rest of his life.”
Source 1:

Daily Mail

Source 2:

The Australian

Source 3:

Guardian

May 3, 2007An Irish teenager, who has been told by doctors that her baby will not survive more than a few days after birth, appeared in the High Court in Dublin to apply for the right to travel to Britain for an abortion.
Source:

BBCnews.com

May 3, 2007A 68-year-old grandmother in England was the runner-up for “txt laureate” for writing a love poem to her husband. “O hart tht sorz,” she wrote, “My luv adorz, He mAks me liv, He mAks me giv, Myslf 2 him, As my luv porz.”
Source:

The Register

May 2, 2007American officials denied reports of a plan to require entry visas for British citizens of Pakistani origin.
Source:

Guardian Unlimited

May 1, 2007 British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he will announce his resignation next week.
Source:

BBCnews.com

April 16, 2007 Britain banned the phrasewar on terror.”
Source:

Sky News

April 16, 2007 Prince William broke up with his girlfriend via telephone.
Source:

Daily Mirror

April 4, 2007Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad released 15 abducted British marines.
Source:

Los Angeles Times

April 4, 2007 British scientists were “baffled” by the discovery of five-footed frogs.
Source:

Breitbart.com

April 3, 2007Durex, a contraceptive company located in Knutsford, England, began assembling a “massive” panel of volunteer testers for its condom and lubricant products.
Source:

BBC News

April 2, 2007 British Prime Minister Tony Blair said that he was disgusted with Iran's treatment of 15 Royal Navy hostages.
Source:

Spiegel Online

March 26, 2007The British Ministry of Defence found that a study which had placed Iraq's civilian death toll at 655,000 was “robust.”
Source:

BBC

March 23, 2007 British troops pulled out of Basra; two days later, rival Shiite factions began battling over a government building that had been been evacuated by the military.
Source:

CS Monitor

March 23, 2007In the Iraqi territory of the Shatt al-Arab waterway, Iranian forces captured and detained 15 members of the British Royal Navy.
Source:

Reuters via Yahoo! News

February 23, 2007It was revealed that the British Ministry of Defense once hired psychics to find Osama bin Laden, and Defense Minister Des Browne announced that Prince Harry, the 22-year-old son of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, who is third in line to the throne, would be deployed to Iraq.
Source 1:

Daily Mail

Source 2:

Washington Post

February 20, 2007 British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he would bring home more than 1,600 of the 7,100 British troops in Iraq. Vice President Dick Cheney said that the withdrawal was “an affirmation that there are parts of Iraq where things are going pretty well”; he also said that breaking “the will of the American people” was Al Qaeda's strategy. “They win because we quit.” “Dick was always very realistic,” said Kenneth Adelman, an arms-control official in the Reagan Administration and friend to Cheney. “I don't really understand how month after month he gets briefings showing Iraq's getting worse and worse, and he engages in all this happy talk.”
Source 1:

Washington Post

Source 2:

Fox News

Source 3:

Washington Post

February 14, 2007After studying 21 industrialized nations, the U.N. concluded that Dutch children were the most happy, and British and American children the least.
Source:

BBC

February 8, 2007And “farcical, saucy, and somewhat tragic, man-breasts” were deemed ideal “fodder” for the British tabloid media.
Source:

Times online

February 7, 2007A British Muslim high school was under criticism for using textbooks that depicted Jews as apes and Christians as pigs and predicted that all non-believers would be condemned to hellfire.
Source:

This London

February 3, 2007 Britain's top female paraglider was mauled by eagles. “Eagles,” said a colleague, “are the sharks of the air.”
Source:

NZPA via stuff.co.nz

January 15, 2007In England, Louise Brown, the world's first test-tube baby, gave birth to a naturally conceived child.
Source:

AP via Cnn.com

January 6, 2007A British man died of a heart attack when ambulance crews could not be dispatched because they were on an E.U.-mandated lunch break.
Source:

The Sun

December 14, 2006 British geneticists investigating the case of a 10-year-old Pakistani boy who could walk on burning coals announced that they had discovered a gene that influences the perception of pain. They could not examine the boy directly because he had died after leaping off a roof to impress his friends.
Source:

NYT

December 14, 2006The British police concluded that Princess Diana's death was an accident.
Source:

NYT

November 21, 2006 British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that state-sponsored supernannies would be dispatched to deal with the United Kingdom's problem children. “Life isn't normal if you've got 12-year-olds out every night,” said Mr. Blair, “drinking and creating nuisance on the street with their parents not knowing or even caring.”
Source:

Guardian

November 17, 2006Forty firefighters in the United Kingdom carried out a two-hour rescue operation to bring a sheep down from a ledge.
Source:

Sky News

November 14, 2006A British man testified that he picked up his ten-month-old niece by the ankles and smashed her to death because there was within him a “beast that shows his ugly head every now and then.” The beast, he said, told him to make her feel “a little bit of pain.”
Source:

BBC News

November 12, 2006Three U.S. soldiers, four British soldiers, and 159 Iraqis were killed on a Sunday.
Source 1:

Aljazeerah.info

Source 2:

The Toronto Star

November 2, 2006Channel 4, Britain's second largest television network, announced that Google's U.K. advertising revenues would outstrip the broadcaster's own by some hundred million pounds this year. “People need to wake up and realize that this is not just a cyclical issue,” said the network's chief executive. “There is deep structural change, rather like global warming.”
Source:

Times of London

November 1, 2006Iran criticized Australia, Bahrain, Britain, France, Italy, and the United States for carrying out a practice naval exercise in the Persian Gulf, then announced ten days of “Great Prophet II” war games.
Source 1:

AP via International Herald Tribune

Source 2:

Breitbart

November 1, 2006Two of the suspects arrested in Britain in August for plotting to blow up U.S.-bound airplanes were released due to insufficient proof.
Source 1:

New York Times

Source 2:

CNN

October 26, 2006 England's Queen Elizabeth II strained her back.
Source:

New York Times

October 23, 2006In Basra, Prince Philip of Britain assured the troops “at the sharp end” that “a great many locals do very much appreciate what you are trying to do for them.”
Source:

New Zealand Herald

October 17, 2006A Gypsy pressure group filed suit to stop British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's latest film from being shown in Germany. The group accuses him of antiziganism, or hostility to gypsies; Cohen's fictional alter-ego Borat claimed that Gypsies had molested his horse.
Source 1:

Reuters via Yahoo

Source 2:

Wikipedia

October 17, 2006Scotland Yard and the British Home Office misplaced two “extremely dangerous” terrorism suspects. One escaped from a secure psychiatric unit, and neither can be named for legal reasons.
Source:

Guardian online

October 16, 2006Americans were claiming political asylum in Britain.
Source:

Sun Online

October 8, 2006A study suggested that an increasing number of British students are working as prostitutes in order to pay their university tuition.
Source:

timesonline.co.uk

October 4, 2006The British Minister of State for Public Health said that pregnant British teens, seeking to ease their labor pains, were smoking to reduce the birth weight of their babies.
Source:

BBC News

October 4, 2006 Britain's Prince William played bingo.
Source:

Reuters

September 22, 2006A British major described the Royal Air Force as “utterly, utterly useless.”
Source:

The Independent

September 20, 2006 British Home Secretary John Reid declared that England's “fight is not with Muslims generally.”
Source:

BBC News

September 20, 2006A pedigree bull mastiff deefer from Nottingham, England, underwent emergency surgery to have two pairs of ladies' underwear removed from his small intestine.
Source:

BBC News

September 17, 2006A British man died when he fell off a cliff while flying his kite.
Source:

The Guardian

September 13, 2006Fertility clinics in Britain were low on sperm.
Source:

BBC News

September 5, 2006 Britain's Royal Preston Hospital unveiled the “Inter-Faith Gown,” a hospital garment modeled on the Muslim burka.
Source:

Breitbart.com via the Drudge Report

September 5, 2006 English scientists were conducting experiments to determine whether sea horses could be tempted into adultery.
Source:

New York Post via Nerve.com

September 3, 2006A British professor announced that five-year-old girls were worried about their weight.
Source:

AFP via Breitbart

August 31, 2006Miss England, an Uzbek-born Muslim, declared that stereotyping leads to terror.
Source:

Daily Mail

August 30, 2006It was reported that the average British woman spends two and a half years on her hair during her lifetime.
Source:

Daily Mail

August 28, 2006At least 200 Iraqis were killed in bombings, rocket attacks, and shootings, as were 19 American and British soldiers.
Source 1:

CNN

Source 2:

NPR

August 24, 2006An English woman capable of climaxing forty times per day was convicted of benefit fraud.
Source:

The Times of London

August 22, 2006In Diss, England, Gwen Dorling, 102, enjoyed the services of a stripper for her birthday.
Source:

BBC

August 10, 2006Under pressure from U.S. officials, authorities in the United Kingdom announced the discovery of a terrorist plot to blow up as many as ten passenger planes in the air, possibly by using explosive liquids hidden inside sports-drink bottles. Twenty-one suspects were arrested. Britain raised its threat level to “critical”; the United States raised its threat level “for all commercial flights flying from the United Kingdom to the United States” to “red.” Carry-on luggage was banned on flights in and out of Heathrow airport, and classical and traditional musicians, who normally keep their fragile instruments with them while traveling, were forced to check them as baggage and risk damage. “These restrictions,” said a cellist, “are a disaster for me.” Bagpipers planning to attend the World Pipe Band Championships were particularly worried about the effects of the ban. Prime Minister Tony Blair, on vacation in the Caribbean, thanked U.K. security services for their “hard work,” and President George W. Bush, who had been monitoring the progress of the investigation while on vacation in Crawford, Texas (where he was reading The Stranger, by Albert Camus), flew to Wisconsin and called the arrests “a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists.”
Source 1:

The New York Times

Source 2:

BBC News

August 2, 2006 England's Alton Towers theme park canceled “National Muslim Fun Day.”
Source:

Reuters

August 1, 2006 English Prime Minister Tony Blair said there was an “arc of extremism” stretching across the Middle East that could be defeated, he proposed, by “an alliance of moderation.”
Source:

BBC

August 1, 2006An English paleobiologist announced that the crests of giant prehistoric flying reptiles signified sexual maturity, much like a “giant cockerel's comb.”
Source:

BBC

July 31, 2006A British jockey apologized for headbutting his horse.
Source:

Daily Mail

July 29, 2006 President George W. Bush apologized to British Prime Minister Tony Blair for improperly shipping bombs to Israel via Scotland.
Source:

BBC

July 29, 2006 Baboons were harrassing construction workers in Liverpool.
Source:

Washington Post

July 25, 2006 Britain considered legislation to establish $1,859 fines for cyber-bullying.
Source:

Daily Mail

July 23, 2006Two people in England were killed by a giant inflatable sculpture named Dreamscape.
Source 1:

USAgNet.com

Source 2:

AFP via Taipei Times

Source 3:

Cape Times

Source 4:

local6.com

Source 5:

local6.com

Source 6:

BBC

July 19, 2006 Scientists learned that Britain's wealthy neighborhoods may cause cancer in children.
Source:

Washington Post and Cruises.about.com

July 19, 2006 Scientists learned that Britain's river fish are undergoing sex changes.
Source:

EITB24.com via Google News

July 18, 2006 British stage actor Frank Harrison, 70, was fined $919 for lightly spanking an actress. “All pretty little girls,” said Harrison, “deserve to be spanked once a day.”
Source:

BBC

July 8, 2006 British scientists found that playing with dolls can help improve Alzheimer's patients' communication abilities.
Source:

BBC News

July 5, 2006A British military report concluded that Trident nuclear missiles, which are regularly transported on public highways in the United States and Britain, are vulnerable to terrorist attacks or even severe traffic accidents that could trigger a nuclear explosion.
Source:

New Scientist

June 29, 2006It was announced that the Royal Family cost U.K. taxpayers about $68 million last year. “Our key aim,” said the Keeper of the Privy Purse, “is not to try and achieve a low-cost monarchy.”
Source:

Scotsman

June 28, 2006 English soccer fans, said German breweries, were endangering the German beer supply.
Source:

Mirror.co.uk

June 26, 2006A three-foot-long escaped porcupine named Twinkle was captured in Langwathby, England.
Source:

BBC

June 25, 2006In Britain the wives of soldiers serving in Iraq were receiving strange phone calls from Iraqi militants.
Source:

Telegraph.co.uk

June 24, 2006Lance Corporal William Windsor, a billy goat in the British army, was demoted for “lack of decorum.”
Source:

BBC

June 21, 2006Twenty-five of Britain's 4,000 beetle species were missing.
Source:

BBC

June 18, 2006The Lakeland, Florida, English swan population, which is descended from swans given to the city by the Queen of England in 1957, was being eaten by alligators at three times the normal rate.
Source:

NewsNet5.com

June 7, 2006 British special forces were being trained to use strap-on “batwings” rather than parachutes; the lightweight carbon wings permit the soldiers to be dropped at high altitudes and then glide for more than 100 miles before landing.
Source:

Daily Mail

June 4, 2006 British scientists claimed that men drink heavily at sporting events in order to compensate for their masculine shortcomings.
Source:

Economic & Social Research Council

June 2, 2006 British police were patrolling seaports and airports in order to prevent football hooligans from attending the World Cup in Berlin.
Source:

This is London

June 1, 2006 British scientists powered a small fan by feeding chocolate to bacteria.
Source:

New Scientist Tech

May 29, 2006It was reported that, since 2003, 8,600 British troops had gone AWOL in Iraq; 929 were still missing.
Source:

Daily Mail

May 26, 2006 British MP George Galloway said that an assassin would be "morally justified" in killing Prime Minister Tony Blair.
Source:

Chron.com

May 26, 2006A study found that most British men are cry babies.
Source:

Yahoo! News

May 19, 2006About 2,000 gallons of Sunny D concentrate leaked into a river in England, killing fish and turning the water bright yellow.
Source:

Daily Mail

May 16, 2006In Louth, England, a group of youths kicked a pet rabbit to death.
Source:

LouthToday

May 16, 2006A British-Ugandan team of scientists said that the glaciers of the Rwenzori Mountains in East Africa, which the Greek geographer Ptolemy called "the mountains of the moon," could melt within the next two decades.
Source:

BBC News

May 15, 2006 Snoop Dogg was banned for life from the United Kingdom.
Source:

FemaleFirst.co.uk

May 12, 2006A Baptist church in Britain was planning to wash cars with baptismal-font water.
Source:

BBC News

May 12, 2006and a British inventor claimed to have created a car that gets 8,000 miles per gallon, improving on his previous record of 6,603 miles per gallon.
Source:

AFP via Yahoo! News

May 8, 2006A British helicopter was shot down over Basra, killing all five crew members.
Source:

The Guardian

May 3, 2006A study found that white middle-aged Britons were, on average, healthier than white middle-aged Americans.
Source:

The Guardian

May 2, 2006In England the Archbishop of York played African drums and led a conga line as he wore a hoodie.
Source:

BBC News

April 29, 2006A Liverpool, England, man was sentenced to 100 hours of community service for getting drunk and singing "YMCA" on a flight from Florida to Manchester while his wife wept and comforted their three children. "He makes no excuses," said the man's lawyer, "for his loutish, idiotic behavior."
Source:

Mirror.co.uk

April 19, 2006 British doctors criticized China for harvesting organs for transplant from thousands of executed prisoners.
Source:

BBC News

April 18, 2006In England a man drowned after diving into the river Ouse to rescue his girlfriend's shoes.
Source:

Mail & Guardian Online

April 13, 2006Scientists in Britain found that human fetuses cannot feel pain.
Source:

BBC News

April 1, 2006 Britain assigned 4,000 officers to the new Serious Organised Crime Agency, an elite and secretive organization intended, according to a former detective, to "catch people in the highest echelon of organized crime."
Source:

BBC News

March 31, 2006 British scientists found that the air temperature in Antarctica was rising three times faster than in the rest of the world.
Source:

The Times

March 30, 2006U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice visited England but cancelled a visit to a mosque there in order to avoid protesters. Rice and British foreign minister Jack Straw then visited Iraq, where they told the Iraqi leadership that it must form a unified government immediately.
Source 1:

BBC News

Source 2:

The New York Times

March 7, 2006 Britain planned to kill one third of its wild badger population--about 100,000 badgers--in order to slow the spread of bovine tuberculosis; critics of the plan argued that slaughtering badgers will speed the spread of bovine tuberculosis.
Source:

The Guardian

March 7, 2006Two British preschools were criticized for having children sing "Baa baa rainbow sheep." "There are much better ways," said a representative of another preschool, "of addressing these issues."
Source:

BBC News

March 2, 2006A British astronomer named Gerry Gilmore predicted that ground-based telescopes would be useless within 40 years because of climate change and jet contrails. "You either give up your cheap trips to Majorca," he said, "or you give up astronomy."
Source:

BBC News

February 16, 2006A British nurse was in trouble for slapping her co-workers with a frozen trout.
Source:

BBC News

January 26, 2006In Manchester, England, the BBC was planning an Easter tribute in which Jesus Christ will sing "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division before joining Judas in a duet of "Blue Monday" by New Order. Later, as Roman soldiers flay him, Jesus will sing "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" by The Smiths.
Source:

The Guardian

January 23, 2006 Russia accused the U.K. of spying in Moscow, and offered a data-transmitting fake spy rock as evidence.
Source:

BBC News

January 15, 2006 Tony Blair's government was planning to lift a 40-year prohibition against spying on members of Parliament. British officials, including the Secretary of State for Defense, were opposed to the plan.
Source:

The Independent

January 15, 2006In Aberystwyth, Wales, a woman was banned from the local seafront after she repeatedly attempted to drown herself.
Source:

BBC News

January 13, 2006 British researchers were hoping to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs in order to generate stem cells. “The fertility of rabbits,” noted a researcher, “is legendary.”
Source:

The Guardian

January 6, 2006 British MP George Galloway announced that he would be appearing on the reality TV show “Big Brother.”
Source:

Reuters

January 6, 2006 Pet obesity was on the rise in Britain.
Source:

Reuters

December 30, 2005An airplane flying from England to Spain made an unscheduled stop in Porto Santo, a 10-mile-long, three-mile-wide island, to eject a disruptive passenger.
Source:

Telegraph

December 30, 2005A British woman married an Israeli dolphin after fifteen years of courtship. “I am just waiting for everyone to leave,” said the woman, “so we can have a private moment.”
Source:

NBC10.com

December 20, 2005In the Isle of Wight, England, authorities were looking for Toga, a three-month-old Jackass penguin that they believe was stolen so that it could be given as a Christmas present. "Toga," said a zoo manager, "is very, very vulnerable."
Source:

CNN.com

December 19, 2005 British scientists discovered that little girls like to torture their Barbie dolls by scalping, decapitating, burning, breaking, and microwaving them. “Girls,” explained a researcher, “feel violence and hatred towards their Barbie.”
Source:

Times Online

November 27, 2005The British government was investigating reports that up to 50 babies each year survive being aborted.
Source:

Times Online

November 25, 2005Diepreye Alamieyeseigha, governor of Bayelsa State, Nigeria, denied that, in order to avoid money-laundering charges, he had fled from the U.K. disguised in a dress.
Source:

BBC News

November 22, 2005It was reported that President George W. Bush had, on April 16, 2004, revealed to British Prime Minister Tony Blair a plan to take “military action” against the headquarters of the Al Jazeera news network in Doha, Qatar. According to a leaked transcript, Blair talked Bush out of attacking the television station. The White House called the report “outlandish and inconceivable,” and Blair called the report a “conspiracy theory.” David Keogh, a former U.K. Cabinet Office official, was charged under the Official Secrets Act with leaking the memo, and U.K. Attorney General Lord Goldsmith warned British media that any further reporting based on the leaked memo could be subject to criminal charges. Al Jazeera demanded an inquiry.
Source 1:

The Daily Mirror

Source 2:

The Toronto Star

Source 3:

The Guardian

Source 4:

News.Telegraph

November 20, 2005In Basra two British-trained policemen had tortured at least two civilians to death with electric drills.
Source:

The Statesman

November 17, 2005A former student at Oxford University was in trouble for calling a policeman's horsegay.” “Sam was adamant,” said an eyewitness, “his equine gaydar was accurate.”
Source:

The Oxford Student

November 13, 2005A man in Britain appeared to have cured himself of HIV.
Source:

Times Online

November 10, 2005In Britain a man named Tommy Kimpton was found not guilty of murder for using a pool cue to kill a boy who called him “dumbo ears” and “tank ass.” Kimpton was instead sentenced to life in prison for manslaughter and will serve a minimum four-year sentence.
Source:

BBC News

November 5, 2005Sir Christopher Meyer, the former British ambassador to the United States, said that the Iraq war was inspiring acts of terrorism: “God,” he said, “it does not look good.”
Source:

BBC News

October 28, 2005 Beavers were re-introduced to the British countryside for the first time in 500 years by a millionaire beaver enthusiast.
Source:

Times Online

October 12, 2005An overaffectionate English baboon licked all of the hair off her son's head.
Source:

BBC News

October 6, 2005A British reverend told a group of 12-year-olds that Harry Potter was “not the only gay in the village”.
Source:

CNN.com

October 5, 2005 Britain accused the Iranian Revolutionary Guard of providing Iraqi Shiite groups with the technology to carry out bombing attacks.
Source:

BBC News

October 5, 2005The Church of England confirmed Dr. John Sentamu, who was born in Uganda, as the 97th Archbishop of York.
Source:

BBC News

October 3, 2005 British scientists found that watching television slows the development of children's brains.
Source:

The Age

October 1, 2005In England three teen girls were convicted of manslaughter for bullying to death a girl with a heart condition.
Source:

Science Daily

September 21, 2005The skeleton of a schizophrenic man was found in Wales; he had handcuffed himself to a tree. Deep scuff marks on the tree made it clear that the man had tried to free himself.
Source:

Liverpool Daily Post

September 6, 2005Passport applicants in Britain were being told not to smile for their pictures, because smiles confuse security equipment.
Source:

The Jamaica Observer

August 31, 2005A British man died when he fell into a giant blender.
Source:

BBC News

August 29, 2005The world bog snorkeling championship was held in Wales.
Source:

BBC News

August 14, 2005Approximately 2,000 dolphins gathered off the coast of Wales, but no one knew why.
Source:

BBC News

August 9, 2005A British puppeteer was ordered to stop using a Saddam Hussein puppet as the sausage-stealing villain in his Punch and Judy show.
Source:

BBC News

August 5, 2005A man in Yorkshire, England, filmed his own suicide on his mobile phone and beamed it to his girlfriend.
Source:

Sky News

August 5, 2005A British man was in trouble for attacking his wife with a pike. He later fed the pike to his cats and dogs.
Source:

Mirror.co.uk

August 2, 2005A British man was ordered to stop committing anti-social acts after he was witnessed throwing furniture through his windows, setting bonfires in the morning, and going out in public naked save for a hat and a padlock on his penis.
Source:

Worcester Standard

July 31, 2005 British police had arrested nineteen people believed to be connected to the London bombings.
Source:

BBC News

July 19, 2005Members of the British government said that the bombings on the London tube were not related to the war in Iraq, but only 28 percent of British people agreed.
Source:

Common Dreams

July 19, 2005A British court, acting under the legal principle of “universal jurisdiction,” convicted a man named Faryadi Zardad on torture charges for events that took place while Zardad lived in Afghanistan, where he would often unleash a “human dog”--a crazed man he kept in a hole--on captives he was holding for ransom. In London, where he has lived since 1998, Zardad ran a pizza parlor.
Source:

GlobeAndMail.com

July 18, 2005Former British Prime Minister Edward Heath died.
Source:

BBC News

July 8, 2005 British MP George Galloway said that “London has reaped the involvement of Mr. Blair's involvement in Iraq.”
Source:

Democracy Now!

July 5, 2005Cedric, a seventy-year-old turtle prone to attacking drainpipes and lawn mowers, was wandering loose in Borrowash, Derbyshire.
Source:

BBC News

June 30, 2005The estimated number of hedgehogs in Britain was found to have dropped 20 percent since 2001, probably because tidy gardens alienate hedgehogs.
Source:

BBC News

June 28, 2005The Association of British Insurers estimated that global warming will result in $27 billion worth of storm damage annually by 2080.
Source:

BBC News

June 23, 2005 British taxpayers were each paying the equivalent of $1.12 yearly to support the royal family. “We believe,” said the keeper of the privy purse, “this represents a value-for-money monarchy. We're not looking to provide the cheapest monarchy.”
June 21, 2005A member of Britain's parliament identified himself as a Jedi.
Source:

Parliamentary Record

June 21, 2005Twenty-one thousand people gathered at Stonehenge to celebrate the summer solstice.
Source:

The Age

June 16, 2005A British man was sentenced to twenty-seven months in prison for making his friend Ernest dress in a skirt, forcing him to strip, shaving him all over, and painting him green so he would look like Shrek.
Source:

The Sun

June 16, 2005In Britain a ten-year-old boy began to bang his head into a car dashboard. “It's eating me, it's eating me,” he yelled as blood trickled down his face. Doctors later removed a hornet (or possibly a horsefly) from his inner ear.
Source:

ICBerkshire.co.uk

June 14, 2005A British man pleaded guilty to unloading a fire extinguisher into his friend's anus. “It was just horseplay that went wrong,” said the man's lawyer.
Source:

The Daily Record

June 9, 2005 British pranksters kidnapped a Dalek from Wookey Hole Caves.
Source:

BBC News

June 3, 2005A British man, happily married for eighty years, was asked for the secret to marital bliss. “'Yes, dear',” he explained.
Source:

Mail & Guardian

May 31, 2005The British children's home Strawberry Field, which inspired the Beatles song “Strawberry Fields Forever,” closed.
Source:

Reuters

May 23, 2005In Britain, Ford Motor Company suspended seven workers when they were caught looking at woman-on-octopus pornography on company computers. “Management,” said an employee, “didn't see the funny side.”
Source:

The Sun

May 18, 2005 British MP George Galloway went to Washington, D.C., to respond to allegations that he profited from the U.N.-managed Iraq oil-for-food program. “I met Saddam Hussein exactly the same number of times as Donald Rumsfeld met him,” said Galloway. “The difference is that Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns, and to give him maps the better to target those guns.”
Source:

Guardian

May 13, 2005 British doctors implanted five devices into a stroke victim's unusable arm to help it work again.
Source:

BBC News

May 10, 2005 British archaeologists dug up a two-thousand-year-old shoe. It was either a size nine or ten, they said.
Source:

BBC News

May 8, 2005It was the 60th anniversary of VE Day. The German ambassador to London called on Britain to change its attitude towards Germany. “They continue to see us as Nazis,” he said, “as if they have to refight the battles every evening.”
Source:

The Independent

May 8, 2005 England's Prince Harry entered the Army.
Source:

BBC News

May 5, 2005Two grenades went off outside the British consulate in New York City, damaging a flower planter,
Source:

Bloomberg

May 4, 2005A papyrologist at Oxford University announced that new techniques in spectral imaging, which make it possible to decipher previously illegible ink on papyrus fragments, have yielded parts of a lost tragedy by Sophocles, a novel by Lucian, and an epic poem by Archilochos; researchers also applied the technique to third- and fourth-century manuscripts of the Revelation of Saint John and discovered that the number of the beast, contrary to popular belief, is 616, the area code of Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Source:

National Post

May 1, 2005A secret British memo from July 2002, summarizing a meeting between Tony Blair and his security advisors, was made public. The memo implied that President Bush had already made up his mind to go to war in Iraq, despite his claims to the contrary, and that intelligence and facts about Iraq would be “fixed around the policy.”
Source:

Common Dreams

April 17, 2005 Britain stopped importing United States corn after discovering that the United States had been sending banned, genetically modified corn to the U.K. for the past four years.
Source:

The Independent

April 15, 2005In Wales, a drunken man stood before an open window, dropped his trousers, and cried out, “who wants some of this?” before he fell from the window, impaled himself on a railing, and died.
Source:

Daily Record

April 9, 2005 Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles.
Source:

BBC News

April 4, 2005 Britain announced that it will pull 5,500 troops from Iraq and increase its presence in Afghanistan, to help with the hunt for Osama bin Laden.
Source:

Telegraph

April 1, 2005A British sex festival was cancelled because not enough people wanted to go.
Source:

Reuters

March 30, 2005Developers in England were about to start construction on Dickens World, a $113 million theme park that will offer an Ebenezer Scrooge ride and Dickens characters on ice.
Source:

SEEDA

March 12, 2005A twelve-year-old British boy who raped his special-needs teacher was sentenced to life in prison.
Source:

The Guardian

March 7, 2005 Sony made a Welshman its chairman.
Source:

New York Times

March 3, 2005A 13-pound, 13-ounce baby boy was born in Britain; the boy's mother credited the boy's size to her steady diet of cockles, herring, mussels, and crab claws, provided by her fishmonger husband.
Source:

News & Star

March 2, 2005 Bill Gates was knighted.
Source:

ABC News

February 28, 2005In the U.K., Bournemouth University announced that it has developed two artificial mass graves, each containing about thirty fake skeletons, to be used to train Iraqi war-crimes investigators.
Source:

Guardian

February 25, 2005 Britain's Labour party was forced to drop Christine Wheatley as a candidate for Parliament after it was revealed she had once worked as a prostitute in Paris. “It was usually only three minutes,” said Wheatley.
Source:

Telegraph

February 21, 2005The British Navy was actively seeking gay recruits.
Source:

The Guardian

February 18, 2005The ban on fox hunting went into effect in England and Wales and was expected to be widely ignored.
Source:

Reuters

February 17, 2005In England, a nuclear power plant was unable to account for nearly thirty kilograms of plutonium, enough to make seven nuclear bombs; the discrepancy was said to exist only on paper.
Source:

BBC News

February 10, 2005One out of six British secondary-school students identified Winston Churchill as an insurance salesman.
Source:

The Sun

February 1, 2005Two British terrorism detainees chose to remain in prison rather than accept house arrest.
Source:

The Guardian

January 20, 2005A poll of thousands of people in 21 countries revealed that just 26 percent consider Bush a positive global force. Three quarters of respondents in France and Germany and 64 percent of Britons felt that U.S. actions would have a negative impact on the world, and for the first time it appeared that an international dislike of Bush is metamorphosing into a dislike of Americans in general. The three countries that approved of Bush's reelection were the Philippines, Poland, and India.
Source:

The Guardian

January 17, 2005Sir David King, the Chief Scientific Advisor to the United Kingdom, was under attack by American lobbyists for saying that global warming is a problem.
Source:

The Independent

January 13, 2005Prince Harry, third in line to the British throne, was revealed to have gone to a party dressed as a Nazi.
Source:

New York Timesimes

January 12, 2005E! Television and Britain's BSkyB announced plans to broadcast 30-minute dramatizations of Michael Jackson's child molestation trial, based on the testimony from the previous day, in order to get around a ban on cameras in the courtroom.
Source:

Reuters

December 16, 2004the British House of Lords said the indefinite detention of foreign terrorism suspects violates EU human rights laws,
Source:

Bloomberg

December 8, 2004The notoriously outdated London Underground conceded that some of its spare parts were purchased on eBay.
Source:

Agence France Presse

December 3, 2004A survey found that about half of Britons have never heard of Auschwitz.
Source:

The Independent

October 28, 2004Four British citizens who were held without charges in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, filed suit against Donald Rumsfeld and other senior administration officials, and claimed that they were tortured while in custody. The Pentagon responded that the men were "enemy combatants" and thus had no right to sue.
Source:

Reuters

October 28, 2004 Britain's House of Commons voted to stop calling visitors "strangers."
Source:

Associated Press

October 6, 2004 Britain suspended the license of the factory in Liverpool that was supposed to manufacture almost half the American supply of this year's flu vaccine.
Source:

New York Times

September 16, 2004The British House of Commons voted to outlaw fox hunting with dogs after pro-hunting protesters broke into the chamber and insulted the rural affairs minister.
Source:

Telegraph

August 29, 2004It was reported that a janitor at Tate Modern in London threw out a work of art because he thought it was just a bag of garbage; the artwork, entitled "Recreation of First Public Demonstration of Auto-Destructive Art," was in fact a bag of garbage.
Source:

Reuters

August 8, 2004 Prozac was found in Britain's drinking water.
Source:

Reuters

August 6, 2004 Britain banned toothy smiles from passport photos.
Source:

Agence France-Presse

July 22, 2004 Great Britain announced that it will reduce the size of its armed forces by 15,000.
Source:

New York Times

July 6, 2004The British House of Lords voted to limit the right of parents to spank their children.
Source:

New York Times

June 12, 2004 Britain's Labour Party suffered huge losses in local elections and came in third behind the Tories and the Liberal Democrats.
Source:

New York Times

May 28, 2004A British journalist who was arrested in Israel for talking to Mordechai Vanunu, the scientist who exposed Israel's nuclear weapons program, was released from custody and complained that he had been stuck in a dungeon with excrement-covered walls; Vanunu was released last month after 18 years in prison and has been ordered not to talk with foreigners.
Source:

Guardian

May 21, 2004 British investigators who studied samples of human biopsies estimated that almost 4,000 Britons could have mad cow disease prions in their tonsils.
Source:

New Scientist

May 21, 2004 British intelligence agents in World War II at one point planned to train pigeons to carry bombs or biological weapons. "Pigeon research," said one memo, "will not stand still; if we do not experiment, other powers will."
Source:

BBC

May 19, 2004Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain was pelted in the back with condoms filled with purple flour as he was speaking in front of Parliament during a question-and-answer session.
Source:

BBC

May 7, 2004Sheikh Abdul-Sattar al-Bahadli, an aide to Moktada al-Sadr, offered rewards for the capture or killing of British soldiers; he said that female soldiers could be kept as slaves.
Source:

Guardian

May 1, 2004Photographs were published of British troops beating an Iraqi man and urinating on him; the pictures also showed a soldier striking the man in the genitals with a rifle; the victim's jaw was reportedly broken and his teeth were smashed before he was thrown off the back of a moving truck.
Source:

Daily Mirror

April 26, 2004 China announced that Hong Kong will not be allowed to elect its next leader in 2007, contrary to the city's Basic Law, which was enacted when Britain turned over the territory in 1997; China's Standing Committee of the National People's Congress said that an election would create social and economic instability. Tung Chee-hwa, Hong Kong's current chief executive, called on the people to remain "calm and rational."
Source:

BBC

April 26, 2004Fifty former senior British diplomats signed a letter denouncing Tony Blair for following American policies in Iraq and Israel that are "doomed to failure."
Source:

Financial Times

April 21, 2004Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain announced a referendum on the proposed European constitution.
Source:

BBC

April 11, 2004The British government proposed jailing people for merely associating with terror suspects.
Source:

Guardian

April 8, 2004A Russian scientist was sentenced to 15 years for selling unclassified material to a British company that Russian authorities claim was a CIA front.
Source:

New York Times

April 8, 2004 British researchers discovered a previously unknown prion disease among sheep.
Source:

New Scientist

April 3, 2004The Department of Homeland Security announced that visitors from Britain, France, Germany, Spain, Japan, Australia, and 21 other countries will be photographed and fingerprinted when they enter the United States.
Source:

New York Times

March 15, 2004 Great Britain approved the commercial cultivation of genetically modified maize.
Source:

New Scientist

March 14, 2004The British government was fighting in court for the right to charge people who have been wrongly convicted of crimes for the cost of keeping them in jail.
Source:

Sunday Herald

March 11, 2004The United States released five British citizens from the camps in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba. Britain held the men for less than a day before releasing them.
Source:

New York Times

March 5, 2004 British children found a three-headed frog with six legs.
Source:

BBC

February 26, 2004The British government declined to prosecute Katharine Gun, the linguist who leaked a United States National Security Agency memo asking British intelligence to spy on United Nations diplomats before the invasion of Iraq; there was speculation that the government was trying to avoid another embarrassing debate about the legality of the war.
Source:

New York Times

February 26, 2004Clare Short, a Labor member of parliament who resigned from the Blair cabinet over Iraq, charged that British agents had spied on United Nations secretary general Kofi Annan just before the invasion of Iraq, and said that she had seen transcripts of Annan's conversations.
Source:

Independent

February 26, 2004 Britain's top law-enforcement minister called for an expansion of domestic surveillance to combat terrorism.
Source:

New York Times

February 21, 2004A red-bellied piranha was found dead in a boat moored on the Thames River in England.
Source:

New York Times

February 11, 2004Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said that he did not recall British Prime Minister Tony Blair's prewar claim that Iraq could deploy weapons of mass destruction within 45 minutes. "I don't remember the statement being made, to be perfectly honest." The chairman of the joint chiefs of staff, General Richard Myers, didn't remember it either.
Source:

Sydney Morning Herald

February 11, 2004The British Medical Association reported that smoking increases the risk of impotence, infertility, cervical cancer, miscarriage, stillbirth, sudden infant death syndrome, low birth weight, placental complications, and cleft palate.
Source:

New Scientist

February 6, 2004A new study found that many organic food products sold in the UK contain genetically modified ingredients.
Source:

Nature.com

January 29, 2004A Canadian soldier was killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan, as was a British peacekeeper.
Source:

New York Times

January 26, 2004Skepticism was growing that the United States will succeed in handing power over to an Iraqi client regime before the presidential election, and the head of the occupying authority's Tribal Affairs Bureau admitted that he had been relying on a 1918 British report in his attempts to make sense of local politics.
Source:

New York Times

January 23, 2004 Britain's naked rambler completed his 900-mile journey and put on some clothes.
Source:

Guardian

January 16, 2004One hundred seventy-five members of the British parliament, including five former law lords, also filed a brief attacking the administration's detainment policy. "The exercise of executive power without the possibility of judicial review," they wrote, "jeopardizes the keystone of our existence as nations, namely the rule of law."
Source:

New York Times

January 8, 2004 Britain released plans for new emergency powers that will permit government authorities to ban public gatherings and to destroy or confiscate private property without compensation.
Source:

New York Times

January 6, 2004It was reported that 18 people died of variant Creutzfeld-Jakob disease, the human form of mad cow disease, last year in Britain, one more than died in 2002.
Source:

New York Times

January 5, 2004 Britain's transportation minister warned that terrorism-related delays could be expected "for many years to come."
Source:

Associated Press

December 30, 2003 Britain's Office of National Statistics said that the country is worth $8.8 trillion.
Source:

Agence France-Presse

December 28, 2003Prime Minister Tony Blair claimed in a Christmas message to the British military that the Iraq Survey Group had found "massive evidence of a huge system of clandestine laboratories"; L. Paul Bremer, the American proconsul, dismissed Blair's claim as a "red herring."
Source:

Guardian

December 25, 2003 Britain's Beagle 2 spacecraft apparently landed on Mars, though it failed to transmit its nine-note homing signal, which was composed by a pop band called Blur.
Source:

Daily Telegraph

December 22, 2003 British health officials reported the first possible transmission of mad cow disease to a human via blood transfusion.
Source:

Nature.com

December 21, 2003 British police asked the government to grant them the power to stop cars by using remote control.
Source:

Guardian

December 12, 2003 Mick Jagger accepted a knighthood; Keith Richards was disgusted and said it was a disgrace: "It's not what the Stones is about, is it?"
Source:

Associated Press, Reuters

December 5, 2003 Sudden oak death was confirmed in four trees in England.
Source:

New Scientist

November 21, 2003President George W. Bush traveled to Great Britain, along with 650 companions, including five personal chefs, but was unable to move freely in the country because of massive protests. At Buckingham Palace the president dined on roasted halibut with herbs, free-range chicken, potatoes cocotte, salad, and a sorbet bombe but presumably skipped the Puligny-Montrachet and the Veuve Clicquot, Gold Label, 1995. Truck bombs blew up the British Consulate and a British bank in Istanbul, killing at least 27 and wounding hundreds. Bloody victims ran screaming through the streets. Two hotels in Baghdad used by Westerners were bombed as was the headquarters of a pro-American Kurdish group in Kirkuk.
Source:

New York Times, Daily Telegraph

November 18, 2003 London banned the feeding of pigeons in Trafalgar Square.
Source:

Reuters

November 15, 2003Newly declassified files from MI5, the British intelligence agency, revealed that in 1940 German saboteurs had planned to attack Buckingham Palace with exploding cans of French peas.
Source:

New York Times

November 8, 2003 Prince Charles denied the latest rumor about his sexual proclivities but failed to mention what he was accused of doing. Newspapers in Britain, where libel laws are very strong, have been unable to print the substance of the rumor, though they have repeatedly run the same photograph of Prince Charles standing alone in a field with another man.
Source:

New York Times

October 27, 2003New research estimated that British people collectively stand in line for 1.3 billion hours a year.
Source:

Ananova

October 23, 2003Six English schoolboys were hospitalized after it was learned they had taken Viagra during lunch; "by the the time the afternoon lessons began," said a source, "there was no hiding what they had done."
Source:

Reuters

October 20, 2003 Tony Blair was hospitalized with heart palpitations and was told to take it easy.
Source:

Reuters

October 10, 2003 Sting was made a commander of the British Empire, and Roger Moore, a former James Bond, was made a knight.
Source:

St. Petersburg Times

September 19, 2003A new report from the British government claimed that Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe,
Source:

Reuters

September 11, 2003A British parliamentary report concluded that the Blair government did not intentionally lie in its controversial dossier on Iraq's military threat; the report did criticize the government, however, and said that its false claim that Iraq was capable of launching weapons of mass destruction in 45 minutes was "unhelpful," and that the dossier should have made clear that Iraq was not, in the opinion of the intelligence services, an imminent threat to Great Britain.
Source:

BBC

August 29, 2003Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain testified before the Hutton inquiry and denied the BBC's claim that his aides had "sexed up" his dossier on Iraq's purported weapons of mass destruction; Blair said he would have resigned if the story had been true.
Source:

Guardian, BBC, New York Times

August 26, 2003 British health officials apologized for telling a black woman whose lower leg was scheduled to be amputated that she would have to pay $4,700 if she wanted her prosthesis to match her skin color; a white limb, she was told, would be covered by the National Health Service.
Source:

Reuters

August 15, 2003and government workers in Bristol, England, were told to stop calling people "dear" and "love."
Source:

New York Times

July 22, 2003Officials in England unveiled a new system of "restorative justice," in which criminals may avoid court by apologizing to their victims.
Source:

Reuters

July 18, 2003 British prime minister Tony Blair addressed the United States Congress and predicted that history will "forgive" him even if weapons of mass destruction are never found in Iraq. He received 19 standing ovations; after the first one he responded: "This is more than I deserve and more than I'm used to, frankly."
Source:

Guardian

July 18, 2003 Dr. David Kelly, a British Ministry of Defense scientist who was accused of being the source of news reports that the British government had doctored its intelligence on Iraq, was found dead two days after he was interrogated by a parliamentary committee.
Source:

Guardian

July 17, 2003 British scientists built a better, baitless mousetrap that uses plastic mixed with a high concentration of chocolate essence.
Source:

New Scientist

July 16, 2003 British officials instituted a National Foreplay Day after a study found that many Britons were avoiding it.
Source:

Ananova

July 16, 2003Newly declassified documents revealed that during the Cold War British scientists planned to bury ten nuclear land mines in Germany. The plan, code-named Blue Peacock, was abandoned in 1958, after it was judged to be "politically flawed."
Source:

New Scientist

July 14, 2003 Condoleezza Rice, the national security adviser, said that the president's discredited claim was still technically a true statement: "The British government did say that."
Source:

New York Times

July 11, 2003 Britain proposed giving transsexuals the right to get married in their adoptive sex.
Source:

Daily Telegraph

July 11, 2003A giant flyborg, an artificially intelligent robot balloon, escaped from the Magna Science Adventure Centre in Britain.
Source:

BBC

July 4, 2003 Britain's chief medical officer called for a nationwide ban on smoking in public places.
Source:

UPI

July 1, 2003The British House of Commons voted to ban fox hunting with dogs.
Source:

New York Times

June 9, 2003 Britain's honorary astronomer royal estimated the odds of an apocalypse to be 50 percent, up from 20 percent 100 years ago.
Source:

Reuters

June 9, 2003The British government admitted that Alastair Campbell, Tony Blair's director of communications, wrote a letter to the chief of the Secret Intelligence Service apologizing for a report, "Iraq: Its Infrastructure of Concealment, Deception and Intimidation," which contained material that was plagiarized from an old out-of-date term paper found on the Internet. Campbell promised to take "greater care" in the future.
Source:

New York Times

June 8, 2003A growing number of weapons experts, engineers, chemists, and other scientists said that the "germ trailers" trumpeted by the Americans are not at all what one would expect from a mobile weapons lab and that the units appear to be designed to produce hydrogen to fill artillery balloons, which is what Iraqi scientists have claimed. It was reported that the British sold such a system to Iraq in 1987.
Source:

Observer

June 2, 2003 Great Britain sent a spaceship to Mars.
Source:

Daily Telegraph

May 30, 2003"The time has come when the British government needs to concede that we did not go to war because Saddam was a threat to our national interests," said Robin Cook, the former British foreign secretary who resigned over the Iraq war. "We went to war for reasons of U.S. foreign policy and Republican domestic politics."
Source:

Independent.co.uk

May 29, 2003A senior British official claimed that his government had "transformed" an intelligence report on Iraq's purported weapons of mass destruction to make it "sexier." "The classic example," he said, "was the statement that weapons of mass destruction were ready for use within 45 minutes."
Source:

BBC

May 29, 2003Prime Minister Tony Blair denied fabricating the report but Labour MPs were threatening to report him to the Speaker of the Commons for misleading parliament. "No weapons means no threat," said one MP. "Without WMD, the case for war falls apart." "I believe the prime minister lied to us and lied to us and lied to us," said another. "The whole war was built upon falsehood and I think the long-term damage will be to democracy in Britain."
Source:

Independent.co.uk

May 13, 2003The British government issued a special set of stamps bearing the face of Prince William, who turned 21.
Source:

Reuters

May 1, 2003A suicide bomber, who turned out to be a British citizen, responded to the confirmation of Mahmoud Abbas as prime minister by blowing up a nightclub in Tel Aviv, leaving body parts scattered along the shore.
April 30, 2003 Researchers in England discovered that wood mice construct signposts out of leaves and twigs to keep themselves from getting lost.
Source:

New Scientist

April 8, 2003 Britain's Home Office declared that people who subvert the vital interests of the United Kingdom can be stripped of their citizenship.
April 1, 2003 President George W. Bush declared that he was satisfied with the war and said that “the Iraqi people have got to know that they will be liberated and Saddam Hussein will be removed, no matter how long it takes.” Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain traveled to Camp David to discuss the war with the president and urged him to make peace with Europe.
March 25, 2003 Just before his speech began, Bush gave a little shake of his fist and said: “Feel good.” A coalition of nations, including Bulgaria, Mongolia, Micronesia, and the Marshall Islands, joined the United States and Britain in what was christened Operation Iraqi Freedom, though most members of the “coalition” were unable to commit actual troops.
March 4, 2003 The United States, Britain, and Spain asked the United Nations Security Council to affirm in a new resolution that Iraq had missed its last chance to disarm.
March 4, 2003 “I think it would be great.” A panel of experts assembled by the National Academy of Sciences denounced the president's proposed research plan on the dangers of global warming; the plan, the experts said, lacks “a guiding vision, executable goals, clear timetables and criteria for measuring progress, an assessment of whether existing programs are capable of meeting these goals, explicit prioritization, and a management plan.” Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that by 2050 Britain will reduce its emissions of greenhouse gases by 60 percent; Blair also criticized the United States for refusing to fight global warming.
January 28, 2003 A Muslim cleric who has advocated the use of nuclear and chemical weapons on nonbelievers and once said that the bodies of dead nonbelievers could be burned for electricity went on trial in Britain for inciting racial hatred.
December 31, 2002 Iraq shot down an American Predator drone, and allied jets bombed a command-and-control post near Tallil. “The evil criminals in the evil American administration and its humble servant Britain added a new crime to their black record against civilization and humanity and the houses of God,” said the official Iraqi news agency.
December 17, 2002 Britain proposed to grant transsexuals the right to marry under their chosen sex.
December 10, 2002 Britain's Broadcast Advertising Clearance Center banned an advertisement for a comedy program that depicts George W. Bush putting a videotape into a toaster.
December 3, 2002 Plastic surgeons in Britain were debating whether face transplants, which will be technically possible within the next few months, are ethically permissible.
October 15, 2002 New documents were declassified concerning tests of biological and chemical warfare agents that were conducted by the United States government on its own soldiers in Alaska, Maryland, Hawaii, Canada, and Britain during the Cold War.
October 15, 2002 Ian Duncan Smith, the leader of Britain's Conservative Party, told his fellow Tories that it was time to reinvent their party, “and to those who want to live in the past, I simply say: You stay in the past.
October 8, 2002 After receiving pressure from America and Britain, Blix agreed to delay inspections until the Security Council adopts a new resolution on the issue.
October 8, 2002 Britain ordered warplanes into the London skies to escort a flight from Baltimore after an eavesdropping passenger overheard the words “planning for six months” but not the words “family reunion.” A mob of children in Milwaukee beat a man to death.
July 30, 2002 Some people in Britain were trying to block a planned cleanup of a Manchester canal to keep it from losing its trademark tomato-soup color.
July 16, 2002 Britain all but legalized the possession and use of small amounts of pot.
July 9, 2002 A shipload of weapons-grade plutonium left Japan for Britain protected by little more than a few deck-mounted machine guns; environmentalists and some members of Congress were worried that terrorists might hijack the ship, get the plutonium, and make bombs with it.
July 2, 2002 “At times I think he is talking about Switzerland and not about the Middle East.” Britain's foreign secretary Jack Straw criticized Bush's ultimatum, saying it was up to the Palestinians to choose their own leader.
July 2, 2002 Britain's Tate Modern revealed that it had paid 22,000 pounds for a limited-edition can of shit created in 1961 by the late Italian artist Piero Manzoni. “What we are doing with this work was looking at a lot of issues that are pertinent to 20th century art, like authorship and the production of art,” said a spokesman. “It was a seminal work.”
June 11, 2002 Experts said that many more cases will probably be discovered since Israel has for many years imported cattle feed containing rendered animal carcasses from Britain and other European countries.
June 4, 2002 Punch, the English satirical magazine, published its last issue after 161 years. “The market for sophisticated political satire,” said a representative of the publisher, Mohammed al-Fayed, whose son Dodi died in a car crash with Princess Diana, “has diminished.”
March 5, 2002 Prince Philip of Great Britain asked some Australian aborigines whether they “still throw spears at each other.” President Bush was still trying to privatize Social Security.
February 26, 2002 Britons, who waste an estimated 286 million work hours every week, celebrated National Slacker Day.
February 26, 2002 Britain accidentally invaded Spain.
December 18, 2001There was a report that British prime minister Tony Blair and his wife, Cherie, recently underwent a “rebirthing ritual” in a Mexican steam bath; the ritual was said to include primal screams and the smearing of mud and fruit all over their bodies.
December 18, 2001 Greece dropped spy charges against a group of British tourists who enjoy “plane spotting.” Federal officials arrested 35 people for smuggling cocaine using infants rented from poor families in Chicago.
December 18, 2001The artist Martin Creed won Britain's prestigious Turner Prize for exhibiting a room empty except for a few flickering lights; another artist, annoyed that a gimmick had again taken the prize, threw two eggs at the installation and was arrested.
December 11, 2001Half the smokers in Britain believe smoking is safe because the government continues to permit the habit.
December 4, 2001Northern Alliance soldiers, aided by American and British troops, killed hundreds of Taliban prisoners who tried to escape from a makeshift prison in an old fortress. Amnesty International and other human-rights groups called for an investigation, saying it appeared that war crimes had been committed.
December 4, 2001Greek policemen, believing them to be spies, arrested a group of British plane-spotters who traveled to Greece to practice their hobby, which is unknown in most of the world.
November 27, 2001 Scientists at Oxford University said up to 1,500 British sheep could have been infected with the disease.
November 27, 2001A British vicar banned yoga from his church hall to protect his flock from the temptations of Eastern mysticism.
November 20, 2001Retreating Al Qaeda terrorists in Afghanistan left behind nuclear designs written in Arabic, German, Urdu, and English; foul-smelling liquids; and a recipe for building a nuclear bomb that included detailed descriptions of how TNT can cause plutonium to begin its deadly chain reaction.
November 13, 2001The Taliban proposed that President Bush, Prime Minister Tony Blair, and Mullah Mohammad Omar fight a duel.
October 30, 2001 British women have the largest breasts in Europe, a study found, though they are not the fattest.
October 30, 2001Italians who were deprived of their cell phones reported sexual dysfunction, researchers found, and most Britons sleep naked.
October 23, 2001It was revealed that in 1944 Britain manufactured 5 million anthrax cattle cakes that were to be airdropped (in “Operation Vegetarian”) over Germany; the expectation was that the disease would kill all the cattle and then kill all the Germans.
October 23, 2001 British soldiers found a 130-pound homemade bomb near Omagh, where the Real IRA killed 29 people in a 1998 bombing.
October 23, 2001 Britons were having more sex to keep their minds off the war.
October 23, 2001A cleaning man at London's Eyestorm Gallery tossed out an installation by “young British artist” Damien Hirst a day after it was assembled because he thought it was just a pile of garbage; the artwork, which was largely composed of cigarette butts, empty beer bottles, candy wrappers, and newspapers thrown about on the floor, was re-created by gallery staff based on photographs of the original.
October 16, 2001U.S. forces dropped over 100,000 yellow ration packets into Afghanistan, where there are thought to be 7.5 million people facing starvation. Each packet, decorated with an American flag, contains one day's worth of food, a book of matches, and a Moist Towelette: “Here is your Moist Towelette,” the packet says in English. “It will clean and refresh your hands and face without soap and water. Self-dries in seconds, leaving your skin smooth and soft.”
October 9, 2001America and Britain fired cruise missiles and dropped bombs on targets in Afghanistan.
October 9, 2001The son of British prime minister Tony Blair was mugged in London.
October 9, 2001 British people are more depressed than other Europeans, researchers found.
October 2, 2001 Britain was planning to institute a national ID card, a scheme that has the support of 85 percent of the population.
October 2, 2001Beef prices in Japan were dropping after a British lab confirmed a case of mad cow disease near Tokyo, by which time the diseased carcass had been lost.
October 2, 2001The British Potato Council was embarking on an advertising campaign to make potatoes sexy; the ad agency Naked Communication was retained to promote the potato's qualities as an aphrodisiac.
October 2, 2001 British scientists revealed that Viagra makes men breathe easier at high altitudes.
September 25, 2001One Afghan diplomat scoffed at President Bush's threats: “So the only master of the world wants to threaten us. But make no mistake: Afghanistan, as it was in the past, the Great Britain, he came, the Red Army, he came. Afghanistan is a swamp. People enter here laughing, are exiting injured.”
September 11, 2001 Scientists were attempting to discover, using objective criteria, the funniest joke in Britain.
September 11, 2001 British scientists found that a marijuana spray applied under the tongue helped people with chronic pain.
September 11, 2001One million British schoolchildren jumped in unison for a minute in a failed attempt to create a minor earthquake.
September 11, 2001United Airlines was being sued after a flight crew forced a British transvestite to get off a plane and change into proper men's attire.
September 4, 2001Historians in Britain brewed a 5,000-year-old recipe for beer flavored with animal feces.
August 28, 2001Residents of Belper, England, banished from their town square a giant Mr.
August 21, 2001Ireland's deputy arts minister said that the Irish are “among the biggest boozers on the planet.” Citizens of Sierra Leone were asked to stop throwing stones and jeering at former dictator Valentine Strasser, who was recently deported from Britain, as he wanders around the streets of Freetown.
August 21, 2001A baked potato exploded backstage at the Royal Opera House in London; the audience was evacuated safely.
August 14, 2001A German businessman was planning to sell toilet paper in Britain printed with images of the Queen and Margaret Thatcher.
August 14, 2001Syngenta, a Swiss biotech company, denied that it was testing “terminator technology,” which prevents plants from reproducing without the application of special chemical triggers, in British fields.
August 14, 2001 Britain briefly suspended the government of Northern Ireland after Protestants refused to accept a new disarmament offer from the IRA.
August 7, 2001Some British and Indian scientists claimed that they had positively identified alien bacteria entering Earth's upper atmosphere from space, which would tend, they said, to confirm the Panspermia theory of life's origin.
August 7, 2001Chris Morris, a British comic, tricked several politicians and celebrities into saying absurd things on television about the Internet and pedophilia. “Using an area of the Internet the size of Ireland,” a Labour member of parliament said, “pedophiles can make your keyboard release toxic vapors that can make you more suggestible.”
July 31, 2001A British study found that 80 percent of women fake orgasms during intercourse.
July 31, 2001A 511-million-year-old crab was found in England.
July 24, 2001Three days earlier, British prime minister Tony Blair declared that people have been “far too apologetic” toward demonstrators who disrupt gatherings of world leaders, noting that “if the public knew their views, they'd disagree with them.” Hundreds of thousands of semi-naked youths were gyrating in the streets of Berlin during its eleventh annual Love Parade.
July 24, 2001A British judge was trying to decide whether a ban on public cavorting with inflatable sex dolls contravenes European Union human-rights legislation.
July 17, 2001The White Witches of Britain cast a spell on Warner Brothers to protest a depiction of Harry Potter, the popular fictional character, riding a broomstick with the brush behind him.
July 17, 2001A 15-year-old boy won the world open pea-shooting championship in Witcham, England, for the third year in a row with a homemade laser-sighted peashooter.
July 17, 2001A British family whose home is infested with 300 bats was told by authorities that the bats cannot be moved because they are protected wildlife.
July 17, 2001 Race riots continued in England.
July 10, 2001 Britain claimed that the burning of slaughtered animals infected with foot-and-mouth disease, which released dioxins into the atmosphere, posed no health risk.
July 10, 2001 English students at Cambridge University were asked in a final exam to analyze the following lines from a 1979 Bee Gees song: “It's tragedy . . . Tragedy when you lose control and you got no soul, it's tragedy.” Professor John Kerrigan, chairman of the examination board, defended the inclusion of the Bee Gees: “There are elements to the Bee Gees songs that could have directed you to the great central canonical texts,” he said. “The line in the Bee Gees song where he sings 'the feeling's gone and you can't go on' is a fair summary of the end of King Lear.
July 3, 2001American and British warplanes bombed Iraq again, killing three people.
June 26, 2001Iain Duncan Smith, who hopes to become the leader of Britain's Conservative Party, has written a novel that includes descriptions of gay sex; according to his agent the book is “quite fruity, although not pornographic.”
June 26, 2001Jon Venables and Robert Thompson, the ten-year-old English boys who kidnapped, tortured, and murdered two-year-old James Bulger eight years ago, were released on parole with new identities to protect them from the public.
June 26, 2001 British restaurants, hotels, and clubs were banning “hen nights” because gangs of drunken women (a.k.a. “ladettes”) were proving to be even more difficult to handle than the traditional male yob.
June 26, 2001Tasmania refused to allow a British scientist to take home samples of prehistoric excrement attributed to the extinct marsupial carnivore known as the Tasmanian tiger (Thylacinus cynocephalus).
June 19, 2001Prime Minister Tony Blair, freshly reelected, gave himself a $65,000 raise.
June 19, 2001 British supermarkets were working on a technique, developed by a Texan, to carbonate fruit; the technique works on any fruit but bananas, which explode.
June 12, 2001 Britain's Labour Party defeated the Tories; William Hague, the Conservative leader, resigned.
June 12, 2001Documents revealed that for thirty years, beginning in the 1950s, the United States and Britain imported the cremated bones of Australian babies to test them for strontium 90, an indication that radioactive fallout from atmospheric nuclear tests had penetrated their bones.
June 5, 2001 Race riots broke out in Oldham, England; firebombs were thrown, cars were burned.
May 29, 2001There were new cases of foot-and-mouth disease in England.
May 29, 2001Someone threw a haggis through the window of a Scottish woman living in England; police said they were treating the incident as a “racially-motivated hate crime.”
May 29, 2001 Scientists found signs of syphilis in the bones of a medieval girl from Essex, England; the find may prove that Christopher Columbus did not carry syphilis to Europe from the New World as was previously thought.
May 22, 2001One in ten British children was found to be carrying antibiotic-resistant microbes.
May 1, 2001The Food and Drug Administration warned people not to eat Autumn Monkshood, a poisonous plant that nurseries in Washington, Idaho, and British Columbia had been selling with a label reading “tasty in soup.” Three Britons were thought to be infected with foot-and-mouth disease, including a “slaughterman” who, according to a spokesman for Prime Minister Tony Blair, caught the disease while he “was moving a decomposing carcass of a cow, when that carcass exploded, and the fluid went into his mouth”; the slaughterman was later found to have a different virus.
May 1, 2001 Britain's Ministry of Defense admitted that the British army had paid for a number of female soldiers to have breast augmentation surgery: “This is not done purely on cosmetic grounds, but as a last resort,” a spokesman said.
May 1, 2001A British man admitted to pushing an elderly woman off an express train going 88 mph because she was bothering him with her endless chitchat. She died.
April 24, 2001 Britain banned human cloning.
April 24, 2001A new survey discovered that some English drivers believe that a road sign warning of a toad crossing signifies the presence of a French restaurant.
April 24, 2001The British Flying Saucer Bureau closed its doors.
April 3, 2001 Britain was burying hundreds of thousands of sheep and cattle that have been killed in an attempt to control the spread of foot-and-mouth disease; scientists were trying to figure out whether the disease can be transmitted via the smoke of burning animals.
March 27, 2001Foot-and-mouth disease spread to the Netherlands and Ireland. Britain was planning to destroy over 500,000 cows. American researchers suggested using napalm.
March 20, 2001 England's Princess Ann, the daughter of Queen Elizabeth II, pled guilty to driving 93 mph in a 70 mph zone last summer; the princess just kept driving after she saw the police car flashing its lights at her speeding Bentley, assuming, she said, that it was offering to escort her.
March 20, 2001Coca-Cola's chief executive officer told a British newspaper that he would not be happy until people can turn on their taps and get Coke instead of water.
March 20, 2001Epidemiologists think the current hoof-and-mouth epidemic in England may have started with contaminated swill fed to pigs in Heddon-on-the-Wall; leftover airline food from a country affected by the disease might have been in the swill.
March 6, 2001 British and French governments were slaughtering tens of thousands of sheep and cattle in an increasingly futile attempt to control the spread of foot-and-mouth disease, a virus that is about as severe as the common cold.
March 6, 2001 British authorities cancelled all horse races because of the disease; Ireland called off St. Patrick's Day celebrations.
March 6, 2001Sir Richard Doll, the British epidemiologist who discovered the link between smoking and lung cancer, has concluded that it is true: children (and possibly adults) who live near electrical power lines are more likely to get leukemia.
February 27, 2001American newspapers and other content providers were still ignoring growing evidence, reported in the British press, of George W. Bush's electoral coup, including new evidence that thousands of black Floridians were improperly removed from the list of approved voters.
February 27, 2001 Britain banned all exports of live animals, milk, and meat, after foot and mouth disease was discovered among some pigs and cattle; Britons were asked to stay away from the countryside; Ireland stationed extra troops along its border to keep out wayward British cows.
February 13, 2001A British hospital apologized to plastic-surgery patients for selling their surplus skin to the Defense Evaluation and Research Agency for chemical-weapons research.
January 23, 2001 Great Britain's House of Commons voted to outlaw fox hunting; one prominent fox hunter was heard to say: “I will break Blair's law.
January 23, 2001I will be Blair's political prisoner.” The British post office changed its name to Consignia.
January 16, 2001 British prime minister Tony Blair got hit with a tomato by a protestor upset about the continued sanctions on Iraq, which was bombed again by the United States and Britain.
January 2, 2001A new British study found that women were more likely to mate with men who show off and take risks.
0, 2000The British funeral-services industry faced a backlog of hundreds of corpses as undertakers, unable to obtain credit, refused to perform burials for the poor until the government guarantees reimbursements.
Source:

The Daily Mail

0, 2000 Britain, France, Germany, and other European nations agreed to provide hundreds of billions of dollars to guarantee loans and to prop up banks, leading to a 936-point rally in the Dow.
Source:

Europe Pledges Billions for Banks

December 26, 2000 Britain approved rules allowing researchers to clone human embryos; German officials called such practices “cannibalism.” Cheap Chinese pigskin miniskirts were appearing in malls all over America.
December 12, 2000 British scientists succeeded in making marijuana soluble, which could enable a wide array of medical uses for the drug.
December 5, 2000 Tony Blair's parliament invoked emergency powers and enacted a law making it legal for sixteen-year-old boys to engage in homosexual acts with middle-aged members of parliament; the House of Lords had thrice rejected the legislation.
November 28, 2000 Queen Elizabeth II was photographed wringing the neck of a wounded pheasant which a hunting dog had dropped at her feet; British animal-rights types were appalled. At church the next day, the Queen wore a red hat accented with pheasant feathers.
November 21, 2000In an attempt to stop the spread of CJD, German officials asked people who have lived in Britain to refrain from giving blood.
November 21, 2000 Queen Elizabeth II of England banned the use of cell phones among her retainers.
November 14, 2000Jodie and Mary, a pair of Siamese twins in Britain, were separated pursuant to a court order which concluded that Mary, being “incapable of independent existence,” was “designated for death.” Jodie was doing fine; doctors said they might put a mirror next to her to lessen the loss of her sister. Mary “sadly died,” the hospital said, “despite all the best efforts of the medical team.” It was unclear what the team hoped to accomplish; she had no heart, no lungs.
November 7, 2000 Britain and the United States bombed Iraq again.
November 7, 2000An Italian cargo ship was leaking 6,000 tons of toxic chemicals into the English Channel.
October 31, 2000Economy-class syndrome” was blamed for the death of a British woman who had just made a twenty-hour flight to London from Australia; the syndrome, more properly known as deep-vein thrombosis, occurs when a long, cramped period of inactivity leads to a blood clot.
October 24, 2000The Most Reverend John Ward, Archbishop of Cardiff, was being urged to resign by other British Catholic officials for having ordained a known pedophile who subsequently abused at least two young boys. The priest, Joseph Jordan, was also accused of attempting to pervert the course of justice by hiding a computer containing child pornography from investigators.
October 17, 2000William Hague, the British Tory leader, proposed a “zero tolerance” drug policy, then reversed himself after seven members of his shadow cabinet told reporters that they had smoked pot.
October 10, 2000 Britain's new Human Rights Act went into effect; conservatives were concerned that the new “bill of rights” would permit gay sex in the schools.
October 10, 2000It was revealed that Britain was again experimenting with genetically modified crops, though the agriculture ministry had repeatedly denied it was doing so.
October 10, 2000A British woman was awarded £345,222 for being wrongfully diagnosed with cancer, which resulted in fourteen operations, including a double mastectomy and a full hysterectomy.
October 3, 2000 British prime minister Tony Blair attended a Labor party conference; “Let's Work Together,” by Canned Heat, was the theme song.
October 3, 2000 Canadian police discovered organs in a warehouse that were taken from two dead children by Dick van Velzen, a pathologist who previously removed and kept the organs of 850 children without permission in Britain; last year authorities discovered that Dr. van Velzen's previous employer in Liverpool had a huge stockpile of children's organs, including a collection of 2,080 hearts.
September 26, 2000A British court ruled that a pair of Siamese twins must be separated even though the operation will be fatal for one of them; the parents, who are Roman Catholic, had refused on religious grounds to give permission for the operation.
September 26, 2000 Britain's Task Force on Near Earth Objects issued a report calling for the establishment of an early warning system to help protect the earth from a collision with a major asteroid, 900 of which are in orbits that cross the earth's; an encounter with any one of them could destroy civilization.
September 26, 2000 British Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted that the £628 million Millennium Dome “has not been the runaway success that people had hoped for.” A black hole with a mass 2 million times greater than the sun was discovered to be at the center of our galaxy.
September 19, 2000Protesters prevented the distribution of gasoline in England, causing 90 percent of the country's filling stations to run dry; Prime Minister Tony Blair refused to reduce fuel taxes.
September 19, 2000A new book by a prominent British psychologist argued that having enemies improves one's quality of life.
September 12, 2000Baroness Margaret Thatcher accused British Prime Minister Tony Blair of trying to “abolish Britain.” Venus Williams won the U.S. Open tennis championship.
September 5, 2000The U.S. and Britain bombed Iraq.
September 5, 2000 Scientists in Oxford, England, will begin testing an experimental AIDS vaccine on humans; another vaccine trial will begin in Thailand.
September 5, 2000Five British soldiers who were taken hostage in Sierra Leone were freed.
August 29, 2000 Britain will join an international criminal court that will have jurisdiction over war crimes, genocide, and crimes against humanity; the United States still refuses to join the court, which fifteen countries have joined to date.
August 29, 2000 British officials ordered the arrest of Johnny Adair, a Northern Irish Protestant paramilitary killer who was released from Maze prison last September as part of the Good Friday peace accord.
August 22, 2000A British group was offering free vasectomies for Frenchmen.
August 22, 2000American and British planes bombed Iraq.
August 22, 2000After an outbreak of swine fever in Britain, the United States and other countries banned the importation of porcine semen and other pork products; a National Pig Association spokesman said that pig farmers were “at their wits' end.”
August 15, 2000 British and American warplanes again bombed Iraq, just a few days after President Hugo Chávez of Venezuela visited the country; the airstrikes destroyed a warehouse used to store food acquired in the U.N. oil-for-food program.
August 15, 2000 Saddam Hussein's decision to send assassins disguised as belly dancers to kill Iraqi exiles in London was denounced by British belly dancers, who said it would undermine their business.
August 8, 2000 Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother of England turned 100.
August 1, 2000A British Health Department bulletin revealed that fourteen Britons have died of mad cow disease so far this year; scientists have said that 500,000 people could die of the disease by 2030.
August 1, 2000The House of Representatives voted unanimously to ban the execution of pregnant women in response to remarks by Vice President Al Gore that a “the principle of a woman's right to choose governs in that case.” British Columbia asked the Canadian supreme court to affirm the validity of gay marriage.

JULY 2009

BARACK HOOVER OBAMA
The Best and the Brightest Blow It Again
By Kevin Baker

LABOR’S LAST STAND
The Corporate Campaign to Kill the Employee Free Choice Act
By Ken Silverstein

WAIT TILL YOU SEE ME DANCE
A story by Deb Olin Unferth

Also: Mark Slouka and Paul West