| June 1, 2009 | - On International Whores Day, prostitutes in Australia marched in protest against the high rates that local newspapers charge when advertisements are placed by sex workers. “I'm paying too much,” said whore Ivy McIntosh, “for a measly two inches.”
| Source 1:
The New York Times
Source 2:
Say What?
|
| October 2, 2008 | - A seven-year-old boy broke into an Australian zoo, used a rock to bludgeon to death several lizards, and fed them and many still-living reptiles to Terry, the zoo's crocodile. “By all accounts,” said the zoo's director, “he's quite a nasty seven-year-old.”
| Source:
USA Today
|
| September 11, 2008 | -
Australian authorities were in search of a boy filmed punching and kicking a stunned kangaroo.
| Source:
BBC
|
| September 3, 2008 | - The Victorian Aboriginal Education Association warned Australian girls not to play the didgeridoo because it was “men's business” and could lead to infertility.
| Source:
Yahoo
|
| August 28, 2008 | -
Australian
scientists determined that sponges have the genes necessary to express nerves.
| Source:
LiveScience
|
| August 26, 2008 | - An Australian plastic surgeon who received oral sex from a patient before providing her with a nose job was fighting to keep his medical license. “Knowing her nose better than anyone else,” said Dr. Martyn Mendelsohn, “I was in a unique position to take care of the problem.”
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| August 9, 2008 | -
Australian
scientist George Wilson called on people to eat kangaroo instead of beef to reduce global warming.
| Source:
BBC
|
| August 7, 2008 | -
Australian police reopened 7,000 investigations after realizing that they had mixed up DNA samples and wrongly arrested a man for double homicide and child rape.
| Source:
Reuters
|
| June 27, 2008 | - In Australia, where inflation is at a 16-year-high, Treasury Secretary Ken Henry left his post to look after 115 endangered hairy-nosed wombats for five weeks. “I think,” said an opposition politician, “we all love the hairy-nosed wombat.”
| Source:
BBCnews.com
|
| March 19, 2008 | - An 81-year-old Australian committed suicide by building a robot that shot him four times in the head.
| Source:
Fox News
|
| January 7, 2008 | - The Australian government refused to provide compensation to Aborigines (who until 1967 were governed under flora and fauna laws) who were stolen from their parents as children.
| Source:
Reuters UK
|
| November 24, 2007 | -
Australian voters elected the Labor Party's Kevin Rudd prime minister, replacing conservative John Howard, a Bush ally who failed to retain his own seat in Parliament. Rudd, who has been videotaped eating his own earwax, said he would push for Australia to ratify the Kyoto Protocol on climate change, leaving the United States the lone holdout.
| Source 1:
Time
Source 2:
YouTube
Source 3:
AFP
|
| August 19, 2007 | - An Australian woman was crushed to death by her sexually aroused pet camel.
| Source:
AP via The Star
|
| July 31, 2007 | - At Deception Bay, in Australia, a five-year-old girl found the severed heads of five kangaroos.
| Source:
news.com.au
|
| July 30, 2007 | -
Australian
scientists said that rats can learn the risks of consuming marijuana.
| Source:
The Age
|
| July 14, 2007 | - Near Kakadu National Park in Australia, Jeffrey Lee, the last surviving Djok, was refusing to allow an estimated $5 billion in uranium to be mined from the Koongarra deposit, a “djang” or spiritual place where there lives a giant blue-tongued lizard that must never be disturbed, and where the rainbow serpent has entered the land. “I can go fishing and hunting,” said Lee. “That's all that matters to me.”
| Source:
The Sydney Morning Herald
|
| July 5, 2007 | -
Australia's defense minister, Brendan Nelson, admitted that securing oil is one of the reasons Australian troops stay in Iraq. “This government,” said Labor leader Kevin Rudd, “simply makes it up as it goes along.”
| Source:
BBCnews.com
|
| June 21, 2007 | - The Australian government announced a ban on alcohol and pornography for Aborigines.
- The Australian government announced a ban on alcohol and pornography for Aborigines.
| Source:
Forbes
|
| May 29, 2007 | -
Sex stimulants were banned in Australian
prisons.
| Source:
Daily Telegraph (Australia)
|
| May 2, 2007 | - Britons were enjoying a new reality television series called “Fat Teens Can't Hunt” in which ten overweight teenagers were sent to Australia's outback to live and eat with Aboriginal communities.
| Source:
Reuters
|
| April 16, 2007 | - An Australian study reported that acting on sadomasochistic fetishes improves men's happiness.
| Source:
The West.com.au
|
| March 31, 2007 | - As many as 600,000 drought-stricken camels were invading communities in northern Australia.
| Source:
AdelaideNow
|
| February 27, 2007 | - Female koalas in Australia were ignoring males in favor of five-bear lesbian orgies.
| Source:
The Advocate
|
| February 2, 2007 | - Burqini-clad female lifeguards were patrolling the public beaches of Sydney, Australia.
| Source:
Mathaba News Network
|
| January 28, 2007 | - An Australian man sold his life on eBay.
| Source:
AFP via Yahoo!NEWS
|
| January 8, 2007 | - In Sydney, Australia, feuding families armed with knives, baseball bats, metal poles, planks, branches, cricket bats, pick handles, screwdrivers, golf clubs, curtain rods and glass bottles rumbled.
| Source:
Daily Telegraph
|
| November 6, 2006 | - Officials in Sydney, Australia, refused to allow a cargo ship to dock until a rogue monkey on board was captured or killed; the ship's crew later said that the monkey--a “small brown blur”--had probably been blown overboard during a typhoon.
| Source 1:
The Age
Source 2:
SMH.com.au
|
| October 26, 2006 | - Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali, mufti of Sydney, Australia's largest mosque, compared unveiled women to “uncovered meat.” “If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside,” said the mufti, “and the cats come to eat it . . . whose fault is it, the cats' or the uncovered meat's? The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred.”
| Source:
Guardian
|
| September 13, 2006 | -
Australian officials suspected that ten stingrays found dead with their tails cut off had been killed to avenge television personality Steve Irwin.
| Source:
Irwin's death sparks bout of stingray mutilations
|
| September 1, 2006 | - Forty Australian
seals were killed in a drive-by shooting.
| Source:
The Australian
|
| August 30, 2006 | -
Australian
brothels were offering clients discounts based on their gasoline bills.
| Source:
Reuters via Yahoo!
|
| July 12, 2006 | - In Australia
scientists found that mothers are less revolted by the smell of their child's feces than they are by the feces of other children.
| Source:
Live Science
|
| July 12, 2006 | - Paleontologists in Australia found fossil evidence between 10 million and 20 million years old of large, meat-eating kangaroos and possibly carnivorous birds, which were nicknamed “demon ducks of doom.”
| Source:
BBC News
|
| June 27, 2006 | - Bruno the bear was shot and killed by German authorities, ending his seven-week rampage through Germany and Austria; Bruno, officially tagged Rampant Brown Bear JJ 1, had killed sheep and rabbits, stolen honey, eluded Finnish bear trackers and elkhounds, and squashed a guinea pig. “Sexual frustration,” said a German official, “may be a reason for the random killings.”
| Source:
Times Online (U.K)
|
| June 27, 2006 | -
Australian scientists studying the use of dingo urine as a kangaroo repellent found that the urine startles kangaroos.
| Source:
Yahoo! News
|
| June 17, 2006 | -
and bBanana
rustlers were on the loose in Australia.
| Source:
Times Online
|
| May 23, 2006 | - In Australia, a psychiatrist named Stephen Allnutt testified that financier Brendan Francis McMahon had believed he was helping animals when he mutilated 17 rabbits and a guinea pig while under the influence of methamphetamine. "I wonder," McMahon reportedly said, "if I made a mistake because I never asked the rabbits?"
| Source:
The Sydney Morning Herald
|
| May 4, 2006 | - An Australian
painter named Tim Patch unveiled a portrait of Prime Minister John Howard that he had painted with his penis.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| April 6, 2006 | -
Australia agreed to sell uranium to China.
| Source:
The Australian
|
| April 2, 2006 | - An Australian nudist, attempting to kill a spider, suffered burns over 18 percent of his body after he poured gasoline into the spider's hole and lit a match.
| Source:
The Sydney Morning Herald
|
| March 16, 2006 | -
UNESCO met to discuss how to preserve world heritage sites, like the Tower of London and the Great Barrier Reef, from the effects of global warming; the United States said that the organization had no brief to discuss an unproven theory.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| February 22, 2006 | - The Australian Army was looking for a man who wears an army uniform and exposes himself to underwear salespeople. "I thought it was one of my mates having a joke on me," said a salesman. "We call him 'Donkey Dong.’"
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| February 17, 2006 | - Researchers in Australia found that tiger feces repel wild goats.
| Source:
CNN.com
|
| February 15, 2006 | -
Australian
cane toads were out of control.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| February 13, 2006 | - Beaches closed in Australia when sharks went into a feeding frenzy.
| Source:
The Courier Mail
|
| January 19, 2006 | - A man in Australia escaped from prison by losing enough weight to slip through a hole.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| January 16, 2006 | - Western Australian Premier Geoff Gallop resigned due to depression. “I now need the space required,” he said, “to start the process of full recovery.”
| Source:
ABC News Online
|
| January 8, 2006 | - An Australian woman died after three sharks attacked her.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| December 12, 2005 | -
Australian
whites rioted against people of Arab descent.
| Source:
The New York Times
|
| December 4, 2005 | - There was a shortage of Santas in Perth, Australia; current Santas said that the risk of litigation was too great. “Once upon a time you'd walk through the mall saying ‘Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas’,” said Santa John Gomez, “but now you say nothing.”
| Source:
The Daily Telegraph
|
| November 25, 2005 | - In Australia, bestiality charges were dropped against financier Brendan Francis McMahon, because prosecutors were unable to prove that his penis penetrated any rabbits. McMahon, who told a psychiatrist named Steven Allnutt that he could “communicate with animals through a third eye,” was still charged with mutilating 17 rabbits and one guinea pig.
| Source:
The Sydney Morning Herald
|
| November 21, 2005 | - In Australia a ten-year attempt to create pest-resistant
peas was cancelled after it was found that the peas cause lung damage in mice.
| Source:
New Scientist
|
| November 8, 2005 | -
Australian authorities arrested 17 men for planning a jihad.
| Source:
The Sydney Morning Herald
|
| October 30, 2005 | - At least 130 whales died after beaching in Tasmania; the Australian navy denied responsibility.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| October 24, 2005 | - In the UK a quarantined parrot died from the H5N1 strain of avian flu. Croatian swans were dying of flu, and pigeons in Australia were under close observation.
| Source 1:
BBC News
Source 2:
CNN.com
Source 3:
ABC News
|
| October 14, 2005 | - More details emerged in the case of the New Zealand financier arrested in Australia for bestiality with rabbits. Police said that when they arrested the man he had scratches on his hands and face; the man's lawyer said he molested the rabbits under the influence of methamphetamine. The head of the Australian Companion Rabbit Society pointed out that prostitutes were once called “bunnies.”
| Source:
The Advertiser
|
| October 10, 2005 | - An Australian
tortoise named Harriet was nearing her 175th birthday. The tortoise was originally collected from the Galapagos Islands, and misidentified as a male, by Charles Darwin.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| October 7, 2005 | - In Australia a worker at a forensics laboratory was under investigation for stealing parts of human brains so that they could be injected into racehorses in order to make the horses run faster.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| October 6, 2005 | - It was also announced that a great white shark named for Nicole Kidman had been tracked as it swam from South Africa to Australia and back. “We suspect,” said a scientist, “that she went for reproductive reasons.”
| Source:
Reuters
|
| September 24, 2005 | - An Australian surfer avoided a shark attack by punching the shark.
| Source:
CNN.com
|
| August 15, 2005 | - Mice were being taught to surf in Australia.
| Source:
Local6.com
|
| August 13, 2005 | - A man in Australia was charged with bestiality with a rabbit.
| Source:
Sydney Morning Herald
|
| August 10, 2005 | - Twelve headless kangaroos were discovered on a golf course near Melbourne, Australia.
| Source:
Sky News
|
| August 2, 2005 | - An Australian woman sued the Sydney Aquarium for allowing a shark tank to shatter and shower her in sharks.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| July 25, 2005 | - An Australian
eel nicknamed Eddie was seen swallowing a goose.
| Source:
Practical Fishkeeping
|
| June 12, 2005 | -
Australia won an international sheep-shearing contest. The contest was judged on speed and lack of nicks.
| Source:
AFP
|
| June 7, 2005 | -
Australian officials were investigating allegations that prison guards tricked a prisoner into inserting a sausage into his rectum.
| Source:
Herald Sun
|
| June 6, 2005 | - An Australian woman was arrested for attempting to bring fifty-one tropical fish into the country hidden in her skirt.
| Source:
AP
|
| June 2, 2005 | - Seventy-four false killer whales (which are less aggressive than true killer whales, but, like true killer whales, are not whales but dolphins) beached themselves in Australia. One thousand five hundred volunteers worked to return seventy-three of the whales to the sea; one whale died. A volunteer described the whales as “very heavy.”
| Source 1:
BBC News
Source 2:
News.com.au
|
| May 31, 2005 | - A man in Narrogin, Australia, died when he fell into a meat grinder.
| Source:
The Age
|
| May 15, 2005 | -
Australian researchers were working to clone the extinct Tasmanian tiger.
| Source:
IOL.co.za
|
| April 28, 2005 | - An Australian
cemetery received permission to bury people upright and without coffins.
| Source:
BBC News
|
| February 23, 2005 | - A nine-foot-long eel with a head as big as a soccer ball was swimming loose in Australia.
| Source:
ABC News Online
|
| February 18, 2005 | -
dogsDogs in Australia were licking toads to get high.
| Source:
The World News
|
| February 18, 2005 | - An eighty-year-old Australian doctor had “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” tattooed across his chest.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| December 15, 2004 | - and an Australian man nearly died after his "jug helmet," a beer-drinking device made from a hose and a power drill, malfunctioned.
| Source:
The West Australian
|
| December 15, 2004 | - The Australian government warned its citizens to avoid major hotels in Indonesia.
| Source:
USA Today
|
| November 15, 2004 | - Thieves stole a 10-ton railway bridge in Australia.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
| August 10, 2004 | - there was a scandal in Australian
cattle circles over udder doping.
| Source:
Associated Press
|
| July 8, 2004 | - People in Canberra, Australia, were warned to beware of mad starving kangaroos; at least one golden retriever has been drowned by a kangaroo, and a woman was attacked while out walking her poodle.
| Source:
Associated Press
|
| May 11, 2004 | -
Australia's treasurer promised to pay $2,000 for every child born in the country; "You go home," he said, "and do your patriotic duty tonight."
| Source:
UPI
|
| April 3, 2004 | - The Department of Homeland Security announced that visitors from Britain, France, Germany, Spain, Japan, Australia, and 21 other countries will be photographed and fingerprinted when they enter the United States.
| Source:
New York Times
|
| March 30, 2004 | - An Australian inventor created an electronic gun that can fire one million rounds per minute.
| Source:
Australian IT
|
| January 8, 2004 | -
Australian physicists concluded that the high notes sung by opera singers are often hard to understand.
| Source:
BBC
|
| December 24, 2003 | - A large crocodile ate a young man in Australia.
| Source:
Guardian
|
| December 4, 2003 | -
Australia resolved to join the American missile-defense program, a decision that pleased the Pentagon and President Bush but puzzled many Australians who wondered from whose missiles the expensive system was supposed to protect them.
| Source:
Sydney Morning Herald
|
| November 1, 2003 | - and Australian scientists said they know why animals that live fast die young.
| Source:
New Scientist Magazine
|
| October 25, 2003 | - Facial tumors were killing off Tasmanian devils,
| Source:
New Scientist
|
| October 20, 2003 | -
Australian
doctors warned people not to eat slugs.
| Source:
Ananova
|
| May 4, 2003 | - Prime Minister John Howard of Australia was rewarded for his country's service in the invasion of Iraq with a sleepover down at the Presidential Ranch in Crawford, Texas, where he was served green-chili cheese grits for supper.
| Source:
New York Times
|
| October 22, 2002 | -
President Bush said he thought that Al Qaeda was responsible for the Bali, Indonesia, terror bombing and reemphasized the firmness of his desire to disarm Saddam Hussein. Abu Bakar Bashir, the Muslim cleric whom American intelligence officials have blamed for the attack in Bali, refused to condemn the bombing and said that “the United States intelligence agency is behind the Bali bombings in an attempt to justify their accusation that Indonesia is a terrorist base.” He also warned Australians not to cooperate with America “because it will bring tragedy for your country.” Indonesia, which does not yet have American-style antiterrorism laws that permit detention without evidence, was reluctant to arrest Bashir but finally did so after he collapsed and was admitted to a hospital.
| |
| October 23, 2001 | - An Australian woman, a professional butcher, was convicted of killing her lover, boiling his head and body parts with some vegetables, and serving the stew to his children.
| |
| August 14, 2001 | -
The Day My Bum Went Psycho, a children's book by Andy Griffiths, was removed from a literacy campaign by Australian
education officials, who said that the book, which includes a character called the Great Unwiped Bum, was inappropriate. “It's just a piece of nonsense to entertain children,” the author told reporters. “It's just that bums are attempting to take over the world.”
| |
| July 10, 2001 | - An Australian was issued a patent for a “circular transportation facilitation device,” also known as the wheel.
| |
| June 26, 2001 | - Male birds in Australia were observed mimicking the sound of a cell phone during courtship.
| |
| June 26, 2001 | - Tasmania refused to allow a British
scientist to take home samples of prehistoric excrement attributed to the extinct marsupial carnivore known as the Tasmanian tiger (Thylacinus cynocephalus).
| |
| June 12, 2001 | - Documents revealed that for thirty years, beginning in the 1950s, the United States and Britain imported the cremated bones of Australian babies to test them for strontium 90, an indication that radioactive fallout from atmospheric nuclear tests had penetrated their bones.
| |
| June 12, 2001 | -
Australia was vaccinating
sheep and cattle to prevent farting, which emits methane, a potent gas that contributes to global warming.
| |
| May 15, 2001 | - A performing rat was killed by a wayward curtain rod at a fashion show in Sydney, Australia; animal-rights groups were investigating the incident.
| |
| May 8, 2001 | - Two dingoes on Australia's Fraser Island mauled and killed a 9-year-old boy; his 7-year-old brother was also attacked but lived.
| |
| March 13, 2001 | - Twenty-five thousand body parts, including nine hundred baby hearts, were found in hospitals and other institutions in Australia.
| |
| March 13, 2001 | - An Australian physicist warned that invisible asteroids made out of “mirror matter,” a form of invisible dark matter, could strike the earth and destroy us all.
| |
| February 27, 2001 | - A postcard mailed in Australia on January 4, 1889, finally made it to Aberdeen, Scotland.
| |
| January 30, 2001 | -
Australian
researchers, who were trying to use genetic engineering to sterilize mice, accidentally created a deadly, immune-system-destroying strain of the mousepox virus, a cousin of the human smallpox virus.
| |
| January 9, 2001 | -
Australia and New Zealand banned all European Union beef products.
| |
| December 12, 2000 | - According to the Australian Plague Locust Commission, Australian crops were being threatened by the largest plague of locusts ever recorded.
| |
| October 31, 2000 | - “Economy-class syndrome” was blamed for the death of a British woman who had just made a twenty-hour flight to London from Australia; the syndrome, more properly known as deep-vein thrombosis, occurs when a long, cramped period of inactivity leads to a blood clot.
| |
| September 19, 2000 | - The Olympic games were being held on the site of a toxic waste dump in Sydney, Australia.
| |
| September 5, 2000 | - A fisherman's head was found in the belly of a large codfish in Australia shortly after he was lost at sea.
| |
| June 0, 2000 | -
Australian police tasered a ram that was blocking traffic.
| Source:
News.com.au
|
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