Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

Congress defied President Barack Obama and adjourned for the summer without passing a health-care-reform bill. The House Energy and Commerce Committee approved its own version of the bill 31-28 (with five Democrats and all 23 Republicans voting against it); its bill is one of five already produced or soon to be produced by the House and Senate. President Obama and congressional Democrats planned to tour the country to talk about the issue, while Republicans planned to identify the health-care plan as a failure akin to the $787 billion stimulus package, which after six months has yet to reverse unemployment. Health-insurance companies, described by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as “immoral” and “the villains in this,” were spending $1 million a day to lobby lawmakers. A poll found that 60 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress. Thirty-nine million Americans were on food stamps.^{1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9} The remains of Captain Michael “Scott” Speicher, whose plane crashed in Iraq in 1991 and whose status had been changed from “killed in action” back to “missing in action” and then, under pressure from Congress, to “missing-captured,” were found in the Anbar province of Iraq, where he was buried by the Bedouin.¹⁰ Computer records showed that Venezuela was offering assistance to Colombian FARC rebels, and Hugo Chavez revoked the licenses of 34 radio stations.^{11 12} Corazon Aquino died.¹³

Twenty-eight people died in mosque bombings in Iraq,. ¹⁴ and Iranian authorities announced that 20 people would be tried for protesting election results.¹⁵ Two people died in Tel Aviv when a gunman opened fire at a gay club, and 50 Palestinians were evicted from their East Jerusalem homes, some at gunpoint; Jewish families moved in soon after. “Now our future,” said one evictee, “is in the streets.”^{16 17} Former House Majority Leader Dick Armey appeared at a hearing on Capitol Hill to speak out against the “eco-evangelical hysteria” about climate change. “If the Lord God Almighty made the heavens and the earth,” said Armey, “and he made them to his satisfaction and it is quite pretentious of we little weaklings here on earth to think that, that we are going to destroy God’s creation.” ¹⁸ Sea levels continued to rise.¹⁹ Scientists in Georgia found that eating too much fructose makes a rat forgetful, and scientists in St. Louis were driving fruit flies crazy.^{20 21} The Obama Administration was shopping for a new prison to hold the Guantanamo Bay inmates, either in Kansas or in Michigan,²² and the Army's base in Fort Irwin, California, was invaded by wild burros.²³ A Hartford man smashed his SUV into parked cars after baby snakes escaped from his pockets.²⁴ A researcher found evidence that haggis is English, not Scottish,²⁵ and British Children's Secretary Ed Balls put forth a plan to monitor 20,000 “problem families” with 24-hour video surveillance, or “sin bins,” at a cost of $677 million.²⁶ Michael Jackson's nose was missing.²⁷

A court in India issued a warrant for the arrest of Warren Anderson, head of Union Carbide in 1984 when a leak at the company's plant in Bhopal killed 10,000 people and injured 555,000. “This is 25 years of unfair treatment,” said Anderson's wife, Lillian, from their home in the Hamptons.^{28 29} Researchers found that organic food is no healthier than regular food, and that the swine-flu medication Tamiflu gives children nightmares.^{30 31} Swedish sperm banks were facing shortages due to high lesbian demand,³² and Germans were hoarding incandescent bulbs before they are banned.³³ An Alabama woman was arrested with $13,000 of methamphetamines in her bra;³⁴ an unemployed New York woman was suing her college for $70,000 for not trying hard enough to help her find a job;³⁵ and a Pennsylvania woman had plans to marry the rollercoaster she loves.³⁶ New York City was giving out one-way plane tickets to the homeless, ³⁷ and a 90-year-old discotheque impresario and Auschwitz survivor named Felix Brinkman was found strangled in Manhattan.³⁸ Medical official Shi Bing Bing said that China's astronauts can be disqualified for 100 different reasons, including runny noses, ringworm, and bad breath.³⁹ Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata revealed that for a month in space he wore the same underwear, which was flame-resistant, controlled odors, killed bacteria, and absorbed water. Wakata said that he also ate a number of curries. “My station crew members never complained,” he said, “so I think the experiment went fine.”⁴⁰ A federal appeals court in Texas ruled to permit the sacrifice of goats.⁴¹