Weekly Review

By Theodore Ross

Mahmoud Abbas was elected president of the Palestinian Authority. He dedicated his victory to "the soul of the brother martyr Yasir Arafat and to our people."¹ Earlier in the week, Abbas called Israel the "Zionist Enemy" at an election rally,² then announced he would pursue peace talks with it.³ Israel shut the border at Gaza,⁴ then offered Abbas personal security in Jerusalem, which he refused.⁵ Kofi Annan visited the site of the South Asia tsunami disaster and said, "I have never seen such utter destruction."⁶ Colin Powell toured Indonesia and called it "amazing" and "heartbreaking."⁷ He also said providing disaster relief was a good public relations move.⁸ Religious leaders blamed God for the tsunami,⁹ the United Nations said pirates were threatening relief supplies,¹⁰ and the Indonesian government made it illegal to leave Aceh province with a sixteen-year-old.¹¹ Aid efforts were temporarily halted when an airplane carrying emergency supplies hit a herd of cows.¹² Nearly 25 percent of Iraq will not be secure for the election, according to one U.S. military commander, who still insisted the poll date should not be changed. "I think there is a greater chance of civil war with a delay than without one," he said.¹³ Iraqi Security Force General Mohamed Shahwani said the insurgents outnumber the U.S. military,¹⁴ and President Bush called the upcoming Iraqi elections "hard."¹⁵ A suicide bomber killed twenty people at the Baghdad Police Academy,¹⁶ Iraq's thirteen police dogs weren't getting enough to eat,¹⁷ and the U.S. Army Reserves were "rapidly degenerating into a 'broken' force," a high-ranking officer said.¹⁸ The Iraqi government extended a state of emergency for the country for another 30 days.¹⁹ The U.S. killed as many as fourteen people in one family when it bombed the wrong house in northern Iraq,²⁰ and the second assassination attempt on the governor of Baghdad succeeded.²¹

Congress officially ratified President Bush's election victory after a two-hour debate about voting irregularities in Ohio.²² Senator Richard Lugar called the lifetime detention of untried terrorism suspects a "bad idea,"²³ and Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales said he did not approve of torture.²⁴ Federal authorities arrested a New Jersey man for menacing a jet with a hand-held laser.²⁵ A U.S. appeals court told Evel Knievel that a website that called him a pimp probably meant it as a compliment and that he could not sue.²⁶ Scientists discovered that gecko feet are self-cleaning.²⁷ The Chilean Supreme Court ruled Augusto Pinochet fit to stand trial for his crimes,²⁸ and Edgar Ray Killen was arrested in connection with the 1964 murder of three voter-registration workers in Mississippi.²⁹ Airlines cut prices³⁰ and tried to cut pensions.³¹ The U.S. decided not to classify the sage grouse as endangered,³² and the evolution of the great tit, a kind of bird, contradicted Darwin.³³ China said it would make aborting a female fetus a crime.³⁴ Francois Vacavant won a Parisian bakers' confederation award for the best Epiphany cake,³⁵ a Pennsylvania man tried to kill workers in a fast-food restaurant when they ran out of french fries,³⁶ and a $20 million art project described as a "visual golden river" broke ground in New York's Central Park.³⁷ Veteran foreign policy experts met with Kofi Annan to teach him how to lead,³⁸ and gun sales in South Africa were down.³⁹ Political leaders in Sudan signed a peace deal that did not include Darfur.⁴⁰ Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman to serve in Congress, died,⁴¹ as did Nelson Mandela's last surviving son.⁴² Andrea Yates's conviction for murdering her five children was overturned because an expert witness didn't watch enough television.⁴³

Representative Alan B. Mollohan said recent congressional rules changes "would seriously undermine the ethics process in the House."⁴⁴ Congressman Zach Wamp said the changes made him feel like he had "just taken a shower."⁴⁵ Tom DeLay was still not indicted.⁴⁶ Donations to the Bush inauguration reached $18 million,⁴⁷ and federal regulators made it easier to kill wolves.⁴⁸ Jennifer Aniston dumped Brad Pitt,⁴⁹ Sandra Bullock gave $1 million to charity,⁵⁰ Scott Peterson's ex-girlfriend called him a liar,⁵¹ and Bill Gates announced the arrival of the digital lifestyle.⁵² Then his computer crashed.⁵³ Director Oliver Stone blamed audiences and the critics for the box office failure of "Alexander."⁵⁴ Recent studies showed that women are using less birth control.⁵⁵ The Dingman family of Virginia was auctioning off the right to pay for surgery on a tumor infecting their 9-year-old son. Bids reached as high as $200.⁵⁶ Krispy Kreme Doughnuts announced that it has bad credit and that the Atkins diet was not to blame.⁵⁷ Houston was named the fattest city in the U.S. for the fourth time in five years,⁵⁸ and researchers found that commercial diet programs don't work very well.⁵⁹ Sales of Ford automobiles were down.⁶⁰ Online jewelry sales were up.⁶¹ The American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry told consumers to watch out for bad veneer jobs.⁶² The song "Snappy the Little Crocodile" made the Top Ten in Germany, with its signature lyric "Schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp."⁶³ Boston announced a crackdown on illegally parked garbage cans,⁶⁴ and scientists found that organic ketchup fights cancer better than the regular kind.⁶⁵ The Vietnamese government executed 450 ducks.⁶⁶