Weekly Review

By Roger D. Hodge

L. Paul Bremer, the American proconsul in Iraq, in one of his final acts before handing over "sovereignty" to Iraq's new interim government, decreed that American forces will remain immune from prosecution by Iraqi courts for crimes against Iraqi citizens or destruction of property. It was noted that a similar grant of immunity in Iran in the 1960s had unfortunate consequences. "Our honor has been trampled underfoot; the dignity of Iran has been destroyed," said the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in 1964. He said that the order "reduced the Iranian people to a level lower than that of an American dog."¹ "My understanding of this issue," said General Richard Myers, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, "is that the CPA orders cannot be repealed or modified until Iraq's permanent government is in place to enact legislation."² The White House disavowed a Justice Department memorandum that argues that it's okay to torture terrorism suspects.³ Paul Wolfowitz, the deputy defense secretary, apologized for saying the reporters in Iraq were just repeating rumors because they're too afraid to travel, and⁴ Colin Powell said that declaring martial law in Iraq would make things worse.⁵ Iraqi insurgents killed more than 100 people in one day in attacks all across the country, a⁶ South Korean hostage was beheaded, three⁷ Turks and a Pakistani were kidnapped, and militants threatened to kill a captured U.S. Marine.⁸ A poll showed that most Americans now think the invasion of Iraq was a mistake that has made the country more vulnerable to terrorism.⁹

President George W. Bush was questioned by U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald as part of the investigation into who in the White House exposed the identity of Valerie Plame, a covert CIA operative, as part of a campaign to discredit her husband, former ambassador Joseph Wilson, who criticized the decision to conquer Iraq.¹⁰ The Supreme Court declined to make Dick Cheney release the records of his 2001 Energy Task Force and sent the case back to a lower court for further consideration;¹¹ Cheney said he felt much better after he told Senator Patrick Leahy, who has been critical of Halliburton's war profiteering in Iraq, to go fuck himself.¹² Los Angeles police officers were videotaped beating a black man after he surrendered peacefully.¹³ Monica Lewinsky denounced Bill Clinton's new memoir and said that he had destroyed her life.¹⁴ A judge in Oklahoma was accused of using a penis pump in court.¹⁵

Al Gore said that George W. Bush is a liar for repeatedly suggesting that Saddam Hussein was allied with Osama bin Laden and that the president's "consistent and careful artifice is itself evidence that he knew full well that he was telling an artful and important lie."¹⁶ Scientists discovered that rats who snort a special virus do not get as high on cocaine.¹⁷ It was reported that the Rev. Sun Myung Moon was crowned in the Senate office building after announcing that he is the "savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent." Several lawmakers from both major parties were present, including Rep. Danny Davis, who wore white gloves as he placed the crown on Moon's head.¹⁸ Two bombs went off in Istanbul.¹⁹ Health experts warned of a possible polio epidemic in western and central Africa, and the²⁰ Department of Health and Human Services took steps to limit free contact between American scientists and the World Health Organization.²¹ Toxic chemical pollution was up 5 percent in 2002, the EPA announced.²² Happy married women have healthier hearts than lonely unhappy women, and an²³ Iranian mother claimed to have given birth to a frog.²⁴ New research suggested that needle biopsies might help spread breast cancer to the sentinel node.²⁵ Another mad cow was apparently discovered somewhere in the United States, but the USDA refused to say where until more tests were completed.²⁶ British researchers found that sudden infant death syndrome is more likely to happen on weekends.²⁷ The first privately funded astronaut made it into space.²⁸ A Japanese teacher forced a student to write an apology in his own blood after he was caught sleeping in class.²⁹ A German zoologist announced that bees are really quite lazy,³⁰ and scientists said that SARS was found in tears.³¹